I’m reading the comments to the post I wrote in the Bootstrapper’s Workshop.  Here’s what Travis, one of the coaches says:  “I could be wrong, Kathleen, but I wonder if this pressure that you are putting on yourself is drowning out your natural sense of wonder and curiosity. You seem to be experiencing stress, and the churn of it could be affecting what you do.”

Gee, where have I heard that before?

Maybe from almost everyone, including myself.

Unfortunately, this seems to be my default way of being.  Don’t just push hard.  Push harder.  And there have been times when it has come in quite handy.  When it has made the difference between success and failure.  Getting done by the deadline or not.

Yet there are other times when it’s not appropriate.  In fact, even harmful.  Like in this workshop.  Or when I’m singing.  Or sleeping.

The workshop is meant to be a playground where we try stuff.  Sure, it’s for a purpose.  Sometimes even a noble purpose.  But it’s easy to get so caught up in that, that I forget it’s also an experiment.  Play. I put too much weight on it.  I lock myself up.

I do that when I sing, too.  At my last lesson, my coach told me not to sing so loudly while warming up.  To go easier on my vocal cords before they’re fully warmed up.  Gee…where have I heard that before?  Maybe from my previous voice teacher for like 25 years.

And sometimes I wake up and feel like a pretzel.  As though I’ve been scrunched tight the whole night.

See a pattern here?

Am I the only one who feels compelled to push as hard as possible – even when it’s supposed to be fun?  As if everything is some kind of competition to beat my previous record or something?

If I am, I’m sorry I even brought it up.  I guess you can stop reading now.

But if you see yourself just a little bit, then let’s agree together that life doesn’t have to be like this every minute of every day.  That there are times when we can – and even should – lighten up.  Play.  Simply enjoy the moment we’re in without having to accomplish something.

The other day I was driving to the doctor, and took one of my favorite routes to the shoreline.  Lining the road were tons of burning bush that were past their fiery red stage.  The tops of the bushes were between pink and red, and they faded to white, with some green still mixed in.  There were so many that it looked like an autumn fairy land.  I wish I had a picture for you, but there were cars behind me so I couldn’t stop.

It took my breath away.  I gasped out loud from the sheer beauty of it.  Even though I didn’t get a photo, the picture is in my mind because it was so striking.

If in that moment I’d been thinking of how I could conquer something, working out something that seemed important, I might have missed that moment.  I’m so glad I didn’t.

So, sure we’re supposed to break down barriers, work on skills, and all the stuff I encourage you to do.  But not all the time.  And not in a way that locks us up.  In a way that’s affirming.  Life-giving.

Maybe you feel like you need permission.  Maybe you need encouragement like I got from Travis.  If so, you’ve got it from me.  This is your “get out of jail free” card.  Just like in Monopoly.  What are you going to do with it?  Leave a comment.