2019 Thompson-Alumbaugh Christmas

Ruth and I talked about what we had missed: cooking and eating together, and laughing as we popped our Christmas crackers and read the jokes.  We also realized that so many had gone all out with decorating this Christmas.  They put up lights earlier, even added more.  Trying to bring joy into a dark and sometimes lonely time.

So we decided to keep that Christmas spirit going throughout the year.  Cebrate Christmas on the 25th of every month during 2021.  And since we’re musicians, we’re doing it in song.

Every month on the 25th at 8:30 pm Eastern Time, a YouTube music video will premiere.  It will have an arrangement of a song for that month, along with “We Need a Little Christmas”.  The songs will be a mixture of fun, serious, and surprising.  And we might even bring props!

Because the spirit of giving is more alive at Christmas, we’re featuring a charitable organization each month too.  So you can share in the giving.

The video for January is already available for viewing.  And if you join us on the 25th of February at 8:30 pm, you can join in a live chat with us.  Celebrate Christmas together apart.

The link to the We Need a Little Christmas page is here.

Whether you join us on the 25th or watch any other time, I hope you carry Christmas in your heart all year too.  It might just help remind us that brighter days are ahead.

The post We Need a Little Christmas – all year first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Door or Doormat?
Feature Segment – Emotional Intelligence: Use Your Imagination for Good

Today’s Quote

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. -Michelangelo

Rhythm of Life – Door or Doormat?

In an online forum about creativity, some of us had a discussion about generosity.  The premise was that if you share your creative work from a place of generosity, you don’t attach so much expectation to it.  It won’t be as scary.

Your creative work can be a door for someone who engages with it.  It can open a door to their heart.  A new way of thinking.  Maybe even a new life.

And…you can be a doormat.

Listen to the episode to hear about the key difference between a creative door and doormat.

Resources

Give and Take – Adam Grant
Boundaries – Henry Cloud

Feature Segment:  Emotional Intelligence – Use Your Imagination For Good

You know how in Episode 136 we talked about grief – that we’re experiencing shared grief right now, even if our experience isn’t the same?  We talked about comparative suffering, and how not to fall into that trap?  And then I promised to share some strategies for living while you’re experiencing grief?  Today’s the first of those episodes.

We humans are amazing.  We can imagine a future – that’s dangerous, scary, fun, or exciting. And not only that: we’re able to create it for ourselves.  Unfortunately, we often spend that imagination on the worst-case scenario.  Whether we’re conscious of it or not.

Because of the coronavirus, we’re on heightened alert.  Stress response kicking in big time.  And that includes imagining all kinds of disaster.  Not only that, but the media is adding fuel to that fire.

“The virus will come back in the fall, and be worse than ever.”  –Do they know that for sure?
“It will take years for the economy to come back.”  –Again, how do they know that?

In one way, this pandemic is already the worst-case scenario.  And here’s the thing: when actually faced with our worst nightmare becoming reality, we’re better able to face it than we imagine we will.

How can we focus our imagination on an amazing future, instead of a living hell?  How can we develop emotional intelligence in this situation?

1. Practice being present. See, feel, touch, taste, hear.  Right here and now.
2. Channel your imagination by following your curiosity and asking questions.
3. Do what only you can do.

Listen to the episode for specific strategies for focusing your imagination.

Resources

Artisan Podcast Series

Nothing’s the same as it was.  Things won’t be the same later either.  It will take new practices and habits to carry you forward into the unknown new world.  A world that only exists in your imagination right now.  Why not turn it into one you want to live in?  Something amazing.  Leave a comment if you’d like to share what you’d like to create with your imagination.

Your fertile imagination can picture a positive future or worst-case scenario. Why not choose to imagine the positive?
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Emotional Intelligence Series

132 – The New Success Superpower

134 – Communicating in Crisis

135 –Living in Uncertainty

136 – Let’s Call This What it Is

The post Episode #137: Emotional Intelligence – How to Use Your Imagination for Good first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Because we’re following CDC guidelines, I go down to open the basement hatchway, the inner door, and turn on all the lights so he only has to touch the unit itself.  When I open the doors, I see a mess.  Giant cobwebs, lots of dirt and leaves.  Completely covering the basement steps.

Now I’m frantically sweeping everything to the bottom step and picking it up.  Because I don’t want him to slip and fall or miss a step because he can’t see the stairs.  I don’t want him to get the cobwebs on his pants.  I don’t want all dirt that tracked into the basement.  I don’t want him to think I never clean.

And you know what?  I never use those stairs.  Everything I need outside is in the garage.  So I can’t think of the last time I opened those doors.  Looked there.  Maybe a year ago when he came.  Or maybe not even then.

We all have places that might need cleaning and we don’t see.  Or maybe don’t even open or go to.  There’d be no way we’d see them.

Maybe those places are in the house, garage, storage unit, or car.  Or, maybe they’re in our life.  Our thought life.  Emotional life.  Work life.

We can neglect to open doors, thinking we don’t need to go there.  Until one day when we do and we see the mess that looks like what I found on my basement steps.

I have a choice, and you do too.  I can remember to look once in a while and clean the steps.  I can open doors in my own heart that might need airing or cleaning out.  You can too.

What door might you want to open today that you’ve not opened for a while?  Leave a comment.

Maybe it’s time to open some neglected doors and clean behind them.
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P.S., I’m singing on Facebook Live on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 9:00 pm EDT.  If you can’t catch me there, you can watch the replays on my YouTube Channel.

The post I Hadn’t Looked There first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Is Rest a 4-letter Word?
Random Riffs – Do I Sound Like I Could Sing Stairway to Heaven?
Feature Segment – Emotional Intelligence: Let’s Call it What it Is

Today’s Quote

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.  –C.S. Lewis

Rhythm of Life – Does Rest Have to be a 4-Letter Word?

Rest.  You know that thing we do when we’re tired?  Whether it’s mentally, emotionally, physically?  Why is rest a 4-letter word?  It feels like it my house.  And yet rest is as important as air and water.  Even though less urgent.

Do we make time for rest?  Do we make time for the other important non-urgent things in our life?  Often not.  We often go from fire to fire, never taking the time we need for what we say is so important.

It’s time to change that.  It’s time to make time for what’s important.

Random Riffs – Do I Sound Like I Could Sing Stairway to Heaven?

I’m on summer break in college, singing in a club.  I just finished Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi” on my acoustic guitar,   and a guy comes up to me and asks if I can play “Stairway to Heaven”.

What about singing Joni Mitchell made him think I could possibly sing Stairway to Heaven?  Nothing.  Because he didn’t hear what I actually sounded like.  He heard what he wanted to hear.

We often hear what we think we hear; not what’s actually said.  We see what we think we see; not what’s actually there.

Feature Segment:  Emotional Intelligence – Let’s Call it What it Is

According to two researchers into human emotions and behavior, Brene Brown and Marc Brackett, many of us have a three-word emotion vocabulary:  mad, sad, and glad.  When there are actually something like 39 different emotions you or I could be feeling at any one time.

A hallmark of Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify and name emotions with precision.  Then express and regulate them in ourselves and others.

Resources to help with identifying emotions:

Brene Brown’s Podcast – Unlocking Us with Marc Brackett

Marc Brackett’s book – “Permission to Feel”.

One with emotional intelligence understands this and trains just as you’d train for anything else.  With this training, you develop your Emotional Intelligence.  Become a more successful and empathetic leader.  Make better decisions.  Unleash your creativity.

It’s especially important right now.  We’re experiencing collective grief.  For some, it’s mild.  For others, it’s profound.  And yet we often don’t have a language for grief any more than we have a language for other emotions.  On this episode we talk about a language for grief.  So you can

1. Identify and label it as what it is.
2. Express it and incorporate it into your life without it taking over.
3. Live and lead through this pandemic with hope and even joy.

In Episode 135, we talked about how dangerous comparative suffering is.  Dr. Marc tells us to give ourselves permission to feel.  Whatever it is.

Acknowledging emotion is an act of strength, not weakness.  Then you get to decide what comes next.

What language can we use for grief?  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler wrote a book called “On Grief and Grieving”.  In it they defined 5 stages of grief.  These are not sequential, and yet calling them stages feels like that’s what they are.  So I’m calling them the 5 manifestations of grief.  You could feel more than one at a time, and could alternate between them on any given day or week.

Denial – this can’t be my life.
Anger – this shouldn’t be my life.  I didn’t ask for this.
Depression – I can’t take this.
Bargaining – I could or should have prevented this
Acceptance – I can live with this.

Remember:  this is not a roadmap.  It’s a language to describe how you feel.  So if you’re feeling it now, call it what it is.  Recognize which emotion you’re feeling.  Understand it.  Label it.  That way you can express it and begin to regulate it.

Grief can be your companion, instead of your controller.

Understanding grief is an important piece of the Emotional Intelligence puzzle.  Especially now.  You, someone in your family, or someone on your team may be acting out of grief and not see it.

Don’t tighten against the pain.  Feel it and breathe into it.  Because emotions are a beautiful thing.  They are what allow us to experience beauty.  Love.  Kindness.  Color.  If you try and cut off the bad, you’ll also cut off the good.  Instead, why not use them strategically?

No matter what you’re feeling right now, it is certain to change.  So, know what you’re feeling.  Learn to channel it.  And you’ll develop greater Emotional Intelligence.   What are you feeling right now?  Leave a comment.

Grief can be your companion instead of controller.
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Emotional Intelligence Series

132 – The New Success Superpower

134 – Communicating in Crisis

135 –Living in Uncertainty

The post Episode #136: Emotional Intelligence – Let’s Call it What it Is first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

You just might feel that way too.

You’re okay, and then it hits.  Like a huge weight.  Or a knot.  Something that reminds you, “Oh yeah.  This isn’t how life’s supposed to be.”

You can see togetherness in the story of creation.  In the story of God.  3 persons, one God.  We’re not meant to be alone.  Some of us are alone together.  And even that’s not normal.

So what you do miss most?  What do you long for?  What do you wake up thinking about?

I started writing a song about it.  I’m going to finish the song and then make a video.  I’d love you to participate.  All you have to do is send this:

1. What you want to do when this is over. When it’s safe to go out.  And send a photo of you doing whatever that it.
2. OR, what you appreciate during this time. What you’ve learned.  What you get to do that you wouldn’t have done or known if this hadn’t happened.  And send a picture of stuff you’re doing as you shelter at home.

You can either post a comment or, if you got this post in an email, just respond.  I’ll see it either way.   I’ll turn our collective comments into a song and video and post it.  Make sure that whatever photos you send are okay to share publicly.

You got one?  I’ll start:

I want to laugh, take a walk on the beach.
Give a hug to a friend, go out somewhere to eat.
I wanna sing with our arms ‘round each other.
These simple moments, so precious ‘cause now we’re… together again.

We will be together again.  We don’t know when.  But it WILL happen.  What’s the first thing you’re going to do?

Be safe.  And if you want to listen to music to take your mind off the news, join me on Facebook as I go live on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 9:00 pm EDT.  Not on Facebook?  Check out my YouTube channel.

What will you do first when it’s safe to go out again?
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The post What Do You Miss? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Music resources to help encourage and lift you up.

Keith Urban Underground

Kat & Dave Show

David Foster Eleven Words 

Andrea Bocelli

COVID-19 Quarantine Spotify Playlist

Kathleen’s Facebook Lives

Feature Segment:  Emotional Intelligence – Living and Leading in Uncertainty

We’re all feeling it.  That sense that the world has just turned upside down.  And also maybe feeling guilty for feeling this way, if we’re not on the battlefield or immediate support team.  It’s kind of like survivor’s guilt.  They sacrifice every day and we’re on the couch?  All we have to do is stay home?  What’s big deal?

Brene Brown and mental health professionals call is Comparative Suffering.  Brene talks about it in one of her recent podcasts.

Comparative suffering doesn’t do you any good.  And let’s face it.  There are undoubtedly people suffering more than you right now.  And less than you too.

Now that we’ve acknowledged that, let’s get on to the real point of this episode.  This is a big deal.  To all of us.  Here’s why:

1. Worry
2. Helplessness
3. Economy
4. The worst? Randomness, uncertainty.   Bad things happen to good people.  With no apparent reason.

We often live as though that isn’t true.  We live as if we’ll never die.  When faced with the truth, it’s easy to collapse or harden ourselves.

Once you see this truth, you can’t unsee it.  Once you know, can’t unknow.  Your innocence is gone.  So now what?

To live and lead with emotional intelligence right now in time of worldwide uncertainty, the most important thing to do is to hold two apparently contradictory truths simultaneously:

1. We have an amazing capacity to affect change for good
2. Much of what happens in the world is outside of our direct control

Actions you can take today:

1. Connect with what IS certain. Whatever that is for you.  Seasons change.    God’s love.
2. If leading, state what isn’t known, and what is. Create certainty within the uncertainty.  A belief in something that doesn’t change.

Let yourself feel what you feel.  Don’t fall prey to comparative suffering.  Grieve the loss of freedom and also innocence.  And then decide you want to thrive in uncertainty.  Start by building foundation on what is true and unchanging.  Like God’s love.

Is there any music you’re listening to right now that encourages you?  Leave a comment.

To thrive in uncertainty, build your foundation on what is certain.
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The post Episode #135: Emotional Intelligence – Living and Leading in Uncertainty first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

There are no words.

Oh sure, you try.  Try to explain how you feel.  What you see.  Taste.  Smell.  But the words just aren’t enough.  They don’t express the deepest Love.  Laughter.  Longing.

That’s why we have music.

Say the words “And you can tell everybody that this is your song.  It may be simple but, now that it’s done, I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is when you’re in the world.”  They’re pretty good.

When put to music?  Magic.  Deeper. You feel it in your whole body.

OR what about, “Walk on, walk on with love in your heart, for you’ll never walk alone.”  Again, good words.  Even great words.  And when the music is added?  I tear up every time.  The music touches places that the words alone don’t.

At a time like this, we need music more than ever.  Music that expresses the totality of human expression.  Joy, sorrow, laughter, anger. All of it.  Not only that, but we need music that uplifts and inspires us..  Music that reminds us of a reality that still exists outside the tiny one we’re living in right now.

Want to climb a mountain?  Do it in song.

Dance?  There are a million songs that help you do that.  Right in your own home.

Trust in a brighter future?  Sing it.

Even music without words at all, like Beethoven’s Symphony #5, or Dvorak’s New World Symphony #9 (here’s a clip of the last movement)

And the best of all?  Sing along.  Get your whole body into it. Your whole heart.  Move.

Right now we’re all dealing with something profoundly traumatic.  We’re grieving.  The loss of our freedom.  A job.  Our life’s savings.  A loved one.  There aren’t words to express how we feel.

When words aren’t enough, use music.

What music have you turned to when you wanted to express something too deep for words?  Leave a comment.

When words aren’t enough, use music.
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The post What Do You Do When Words Aren’t Enough? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

And a diamond earring my late husband had given me.

20 minutes before yet another video conference call, I wrapped a towel around my head after a shower, and felt it catch on something.  I felt my left ear, and the earring was gone.  The back still stuck to my ear.

Now I’m putting on my glasses so I can look in the tub, on the towel, the floor next to the tub.  Nothing.  I quickly dress, get a screwdriver and open the drain.  Feel down the trap.  Nothing.

I wouldn’t care, except they were a gift from my husband.  They’re irreplaceable now.  I feel like I just lost him all over again. Probably down the drain.  I’m kicking myself for my carelessness and basically feeling sorry for myself.  I say a quick prayer to find the earring later, and then I have to get on the phone.

After two more conferences, I finally have time to go back into the bathroom.  I’m not going to give up.  I’m going to crawl over every inch of that room if I have to in the hope of finding the earring.  What are the chances it actually went down the drain? I quickly estimate the odds as well under 50%.  Maybe 20%.  I mean, if the towel pulled on the earring, it likely went in an outward direction, rather than toward the inside of the tub, right?

I don’t want to vacuum in case it sucks it up.

So, I’m on my hands and knees, feeling my way across the floor.  I find dust and clear it by hand.  I pull out everything – the scale, the wastebasket.  I even empty the contents of the wastebasket one by one in case it flew in there.

I’m about to grab the magazine basket when I hear something clank against the bottom of the toilet.  It’s my earring.  I just kicked it with my foot.  It must have been right up against the edge and I hadn’t seen it yet.

Whew.  I say a quick prayer of thanks.  I haven’t lost a precious gift from my husband.  What was lost is now found.  Both my earring and my perspective.  My attitude.  I got a precious gift a second time.  And this earring means even more to me than it did when my husband gave it to me.  Because now it means hope.  It means I’m not forgotten.  It means I’m loved.

These signs are everywhere.  In the middle of this virus.  Of the uncertainty.  Of the stress of forced togetherness.  And aloneness.  Signs that we matter.  That we’re loved.  That this world is a beautiful place, even now.  That this too shall pass.  We will likely not be the same as we were.  And that can be a good thing or not, depending on how we choose now.

I lost it today.  You may lose it another day.  And that’s okay.  We know we can and will get it back.  When we see who we still are.  What we still have.  Ourselves.  Each other (from 6 feet away).

Yeah.  I lost it.  And I found it.

What have you lost and found during this challenging time?  Share in the conversation by leaving a comment.  And share this post with a friend.  We all lose it from time to time.  It’s good to know we’re not alone.

When we “lose it”, the way back is through gratitude.
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P.S., I created a COVID-19 Quarantine Playlist on Spotify for your listening enjoyment.  Here’s the link.

The post I Lost It first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Opportunity Often Comes in a Problem Package
Random Riffs – Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop
Feature Segment – Emotional Intelligence: Communication in Crisis

Today’s Quote

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.  –Peter Drucker

Rhythm of Life – Opportunity Often Comes in a Problem Package

It’s almost midnight.  I’m working on computer.  I just can’t seem to get caught up.  And now this:  an email comes in from my voice teacher’s assistant with a message from him.  The gist was this:

We’re going to have a TedX-type event at our workshop at month end.  I’m SURE you have a topic, outline, or even a talk you’ve prepared.  We’ll help you flesh it out to a killer talk.  Have it submitted by Sunday.

Uh. No.  I don’t have any of that.  So I start to panic.  Listen to the episode to hear what I did.

Random Riffs – Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

It’s been a strange winter in New England.  We’ve had almost no snow.  We’ve had some days that are more typical of mid-April than February or March.

And some of us couldn’t simply enjoy the day.  No, instead we had to worry that the other shoe was going to drop.  That somehow this great weather would be offset by a disaster of monumental proportions.  What does that say about our worldview?  Listen to hear what else I have to say about that.

P.S., I created a Spotify Playlist to listen to while you’re at home practicing Social Distancing.  Here’s the link if you want to listen.  Email or leave a comment if you have any suggestions for additions.

Feature Segment:  Emotional Intelligence – Communication in Crisis

An article in Inc. Magazine has this as the headline:  “Bill Gates and Elon Musk Just Issued Very Different Responses to the Coronavirus.  It’s a Lesson in Emotional Intelligence.”  It’s written by Justin Bariso.

Elon Musk tweeted:  “The coronavirus panic is dumb.”  His comment was literally correct, and yet doesn’t display emotional intelligence.

Bill Gates wrote a blog post that included this:  “In the past week, COVID-19 has started to behave a lot like the once-in-a-century pathogen we’ve been worried about.  I hope it’s not that bad, but we should assume that it will be until we know otherwise.”

Gates’ comment displays emotional intelligence because he shows the ability to balance emotion and rational thought.

Communicating in Times of Change

We’re all wired for stories.  What you may not realize is that if someone doesn’t tell us what’s going on, we’ll actually make something up.  Speculate.  And that takes on a life of its own.

I’ve seen it all the time in my own career.

Emotional Intelligence compels leaders to communicate even when there’s not much to say.  Or even when there’s nothing to say.

It’s also important to note that whatever you say must be true.

Communicating in Times of Crisis or Challenge

Now how you communicate matters at least as much as what you communicate.  Here’s where empathy matters.  Don’t minimize how they feel.  Bill Gates didn’t.

One thing that doesn’t work is to tell people to calm down.  You have to help calm them without saying it.

What if you’re not a leader?

It doesn’t matter.  These principles apply with your family, friends, or team.  In a conversation about the COVID-19 virus.  Or any other challenge.

An excellent example of emotional intelligence in crisis communication is Walter Cronkite announcing that President Kennedy has been shot.  Click here to see it.

So talk, even when you don’t want to.  Listen and understand.  Choose empathetic and rational words.  Watch how you talk.  Could make all the difference.

Emotional Intelligence is knowing when and what to communicate – especially when it matters most.
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Emotional Intelligence Series

#132: Emotional Intelligence – the new Superpower

The post Episode #134: Emotional Intelligence – Communicating in Crisis first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

It might having a challenging conversation.  Loving when we don’t feel like it.  Forgiving someone.  Forgiving ourselves.

What’s it for you?

Do you do it anyway?  If you do, what gets you to do it? Does it come from inside yourself- like your values, faith, or confidence?  Or does it come from outside yourself – like encouragement, manipulation, or shame?

For as many reasons as we have to not want to do something we know we must, there an equal number of motivations to do it anyway.

When I say we must, I mean we must if we are to keep our reputation.  Or succeed at what’s important.  Not necessarily live-or-die, though it may sometimes feel like that.

So what’s that hard thing for you, and what do you to actually do it anyway?

I’m asking because my hard thing is promoting.  Standing out.

As much as I love to perform, I don’t like to have to tell anyone that I’m going to do it.  Or ask you to come.  Or ask you to participate in any kind of project I’m working on.  Even if I believe you’d really love it and even benefit from it.

It’s hard for me to share on other people’s behalf too, though not quite.  People often use that tired phrase, “If you had the cure for cancer you’d tell everybody about it, wouldn’t you?”  As if to say, “Well DUH!”  And I’m not sure that’s quite so DUH.

May if and only if, I knew it was at least 90% effective.  And if I was positive you had the kind of cancer this remedy would cure.  And you didn’t have an attitude that stretched all the way to California from Connecticut.  Maybe I’d share it then.

I’m trying to think of a time when I didn’t hesitate to promote something.

1. The book Essentialism on my blog and podcast. Hmmm…..that’s somehow easier.  It’s separated from any emotional involvement.  I just write it up and wait to see what happens.
2. When Michele Cushatt wrote her book called I Am.  That touched me so much that I shared it everywhere.  And didn’t hesitate.

There have been plenty of half-hearted attempts, or even more-than-half-and-less-than-3-quarters attempts.  But none but these were full out.  And I’m not sure Essentialism qualifies since it was more like an endorsement on my podcast.

I’ve taken a course in marketing that says you must market with empathy.  Give generously to people who desperately need a lifeline.  And you know what?  That’s fine when you’re selling operating room equipment.  Or life vests.

But what about jewelry?  Scented candles? Or music?  What about when it’s not absolutely necessary in the scheme of life?

Is there still empathy involved?  Generosity?  Why is it so hard to talk about something that could bring comfort, understanding, or a new vision to the reader or listener?  I’m not sure.  And I know I don’t want to do it.  And also know it’s important to do it.

Ugh.

Are brain transplants a thing?

What’s a really hard thing for you?  Do you do it anyway?  If so, how do you get yourself to do it?  Leave a comment or respond to the email that goes out with this blog post with your suggestions.

BTW – I’m going to be coming out with an album sometime in the next few months.  I’d really love help getting the word out.  As you just read, It’s not my strong suit.  If you’d like to help, just respond by saying, “I’m in.”  I’ll appreciate you forever if you do.

What’s your really hard thing to do? How do you get yourself to do it anyway?
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The post What Are You Afraid Of That You Know You Must Do? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – It’s Perfect.  NOT.
Random Riffs – What’s it For?
Feature Segment – My Self-Improvement Experiment — Afformations

Today’s Quote

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.  –Zig Ziglar

Rhythm of Life – It’s Perfect. NOT.

I’m standing in my voice teacher’s studio, playing the recording of one of my latest songs.  We worked like crazy on this at the previous lesson, and I want him to hear what I did with it.

“Hmmmmm. Good.  A little too much vibrato there.  Oh and there.  Can you try to get rid of the vibrato on some of those held out low notes?”

Uh no.  I can’t.

“It’s done,” I say.  Final production, mixing.  Everything.  It’s done.  No more changes.”

“Well then, it’s perfect,” he says.

It’s not perfect.  We both know it.  But he told me a while back that I’ll have to call it done at some point.  That no singer is ever satisfied with their performance.  They always want one more take.

I’m making the best art I can right now.  Writing the best songs, singing the best, doing the best podcast I can.  Right now.  That won’t be my best 3 months from now.  Or 6 or 12 months from now.

It won’t be your best work either.  So, get used to it.

Random Riffs – What’s it For?

I was thinking today about cynicism.  How we hear something great, and immediately look for the dirty secret just under the surface.

And you know what? None of us has 100% pure motives.  That’s okay.  It doesn’t mean we’re evil or wrong, or what there’s a dirty secret under the rocks.  It just means we’re human.

Because we CAN commit to a cause bigger than us.  We can sacrifice ourselves for the greater good.  We can.  Even when we want to be seen, noticed, respected, or even loved.

It’s better to do good with mixed motives than to do  nothing until you make sure your motives are completely pure.

Feature Segment:  My Self-Improvement Experiment – Afformations

Positive affirmations.  They’re often touted as a way to make massive change happen.  Because if you change your mind, you change your life.  If you change your script, you change your life.

The change looks like this:  Speak -> Change Your Mind -> Change Actions -> Change Results.  As you can see, the affirmations start the process, according to this line of thinking.

Your life becomes a reflection of the thoughts you consistently think.

But here’s the thing.  They don’t always work.  Sometimes they don’t even work at all.

According to St. John, there’s a Belief Gap between where you are now and where you want to be.  If you can’t believe you can get there, you won’t.  Until you bridge the belief gap for the outcomes you want, it will be difficult to make the leap to reach the new life and create your new reality.  (Remember The Big Leap?  –Gay Hendricks even goes so far to say that we’ll subconsciously do things to undermine our desired result.)

When we use positive affirmations, our minds often say, “Yeah, right!”  And that does nothing to bridge the belief gap.

If statements don’t work, then what does?  Questions.  So Noah St. John uses the power of questions to make change happen.  He calls these questions Afformations, and uses them  to bridge the gap.

Listen to the episode to hear just what type of questions these are, what questions not to ask, and how to use these questions in your life.

Keep this in mind though – the questions aren’t what changes your life.  Action is what changes your life.  Afformations prime the pump so you are ready and willing to take action.

Key lessons from this book:

1. When you want something and don’t believe you can have it, what will your actions be?   Half-hearted at best, which doesn’t lead to success.
2. In order for Afformations to work, you need to internalize them. The best way is through listening.
3. Fear is defined as “the anticipation of pain”. This definition works for fear in light of actual danger, as well as fear in the face of perceived danger that doesn’t exist.

How did the Action Steps work?  -I’m not sure yet. It’s going to take time to internalize my new Afformations.  I did find that doing them was powerful already.  They built on each other throughout the book.

What I’m going to do next:

I’m going to combine the conclusions from Marie Forleo’s book Everything is Figureoutable and this book to create one big plan.  And use Afformations and prayer to help me move forward with my plan.  I think the two books together are more powerful than either was alone.  And combined with The Big Leap for context?  Amazing.

What can you do?

1. Get the book
2. Write your own Afformations and record them.
3. Listen to them at least once a day. Speak them out loud too.
4. Start taking action and watch what happens.

Let me know in the comments what you’re choosing to do as a result of listening or reading.

What does a 3 year-old do that we can learn from? They keep asking WHY.
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P.S., The other day I wrote a song based on a poem written by a friend.  It’s dedicated to those who lost loved ones in the Milwaukee shooting last week.  We must make a stand against violence and choose love.  Here’s the song on YouTube.  Please share it with your friends.

Self-Improvement Series

127 – Series Introduction
128 – Everything is Figureoutable
130 – My One Word Review
131 – Everything is Figureoutable Part 2

NOTE:  If you buy a book through one of my links, I’ll make about $.10.

The post Episode #133: Afformations first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

In a big way.

My mom drove to my house so I could bring her to a doctor.  As we backed out of the garage, we were talking about something.  And I backed out of the garage, started to turn around, and hit her car.

Because I was on auto-pilot.  Not present with what I was doing.  Didn’t pause to take stock of where I was or what I was doing.

So now I feel like I’m the last one to write about the power of the pause.

Then we get to the office, and I’m on my computer, trying to use my time well.  I log onto an online forum I belong to, and see I’ve been “yelled at” online by the moderator.  Who’s someone I’ve followed for a long time and deeply respect.

So now I pretty much want to crawl in a hole and not come out.  And I’m supposed to write a blog post?

I want to tell you right here and now that no matter who you may read or listen to has days like this.  Has feelings like this.  Wonder why on earth anyone would want to pay attention to them.  After all, they go through the same challenges you do.  And as you can see I do.  No one’s immune.

It doesn’t matter how successful you are.  How much money you have.  You still feel like a regular person.  Like someone who isn’t perfect.  Gets it wrong.  Isn’t sure what to do next.  We all feel that way.

What am I going to do?  Right now I’m going to sit and wait for my mother, and spend time with her when she gets out.  Later, I’ll deal with both our cars.  And I’m going to sit with my feelings about being yelled at online.  Let myself feel them and not react.  Maybe take a pause, or a good break, before going online again.  I don’t want to pass the shame I feel on to anyone else through anger or any other means.

What do you do when you feel this way?  When things go wrong and you wonder why anyone should listen to you?  Care about you?  I’d be honored if you’d leave a comment.

We all have times when we feel not good enough. The difference is what we do about it.
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The post I Don’t Have a Right to Write This Post first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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 On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – The First Big Test of my 2020 Word “Believe”
Random Riffs – What if You Could Choose Your Own Groundhog Day?
Feature Segment –The New Success Superpower

Today’s Quote

The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s web. –Pablo Picasso

Rhythm of Life – The First Big Test of my 2020 Word “Believe”

It’s Sunday morning, and I’m praying.  I have a mental picture of me worshiping God in the midst of millions or billions of people.  I feel completely invisible.

Except that God tells me I’m not.  He sees me and loves me just as I am.  I believe it in my head.  It doesn’t seem to reach my body.

So here’s the first big test of my 2020 word – believe.  Can my belief extend all the way to my heart?  My full body?  The answer to that has physical and emotional implications.

Have you already been tested with your 2020 word?  I guess we should expect it, right?  Growth means stretching beyond where we’ve been before.  Testing is part of the process.

Random Riffs – What if You Could Choose Your Own Groundhog Day?

We just had Groundhog Day in the US.  That day just happened to also be the Super Bowl.  And Jeep aired a commercial that redid parts of the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray and others.  And THAT got me thinking….if I could repeat any one day over and over, what would it be?

I thought of a few possibilities and settled on one that might surprise you a bit.  Listen to the episode to find out more.

If you could repeat any one day again and again, what would you choose?  Leave a comment.

Feature Segment:  The New Success Superpower

We’ve all seen them – articles about “the one thing Warren Buffett looks for that determines success”.  “Crack the success code with this one thing.” “Do this for massive success.”

Over the years, people have touted different skills as the new superpower for success:  financial acumen, programming, collaboration, agile, grit, abundance, empathy.  All are great.  I think ever greater, is this – Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence, or EI, includes more than empathy.  That’s what makes it a superpower.  And we’ll discuss different facets of Emotional Intelligence in a series alternating with our Self-Improvement Experiment Series.

Six dimensions of EI are discussed in Richard Davidson and Sharon Begley’s book “The Emotional Life of Your Brain”.  Because we can have unique combinations of these 6 dimensions, they call it our Emotional Style.

1. Resilience
2. Outlook
3. Social Intuition
4. Self-Awareness
5. Sensitivity to Context
6. Attention

Is EI really that important?  And if so, why?  Well, work has been evolving over time.  We’ve had 3 different models thus far:

Model 1.0:  Command and control.  Army, Nobles vs. Serfs, Dictator, Factory model.  It’s all  about compliance and order.

Model 2.0: Carrots and sticks.  It seems to give people a choice.  But when you look at it, it’s rewarding the worker if they do what those in power want, and punishes them if they don’t.  It’s really a disguised version of command and control.  Dan Pink talks about this in his book Drive.

Model 3.0: Internal motivation – autonomy and interdependence.  An entrepreneurial way of operating.  Creativity, working together, agile teams.  This model depends on enough people exercising emotional intelligence.   Those who do will be more successful in Model 3.0.

Your actions:

1. Remind yourself that EI is a success superpower. However you choose to define success.
2. Think about definition of EI: the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.  Ask yourself this question: how can I further develop this skill?  And then don’t actively think about it.  Just let your mind do the work.

This hasn’t come natural to me.  It’s a skill we each can and should learn.  I keep working on it.  Because Emotional Intelligence is the new success superpower.  What do you think about Emotional Intelligence?  Do you think it’s the new superpower, or not?  Leave a comment.

Emotional Intelligence is the new success superpower.
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NOTE: If you purchase a book from a link, I’ll make about $.10.

The post Episode #132: Emotional Intelligence – The New Success Superpower first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

I’ve already posted my first day.  And now I notice something I didn’t notice before.

We’re supposed to put all our entries in one big post called [YourName] – Dailies.

I didn’t do that on Day 1.  I just created a post with a headline, like I usually do inside these workshops.  This one’s different for some reason.  The course creators actually want us to combine all our entries in one place.

They probably have a good reason for this.  Like – it’s easier to see all our work in one place.  It’s easier to keep track of it.  People who want to follow us can just look up our name.  Sure.  I guess I get it.

But I hate it.  Immediately I can think of 3 reasons why this isn’t a good idea.

1. That one post will get super-long. Once it gets too big, people won’t want to engage.  It will feel too overwhelming.
2. I will have a hard time knowing how many days I posted or what day I’m even on. Because I’ll have to dig through the entire post to find the new topics.  It’s not like you can create a sub-category or anything to group the entries and responses.
3. I will likely want to explore certain topics for a few days or even a week, and then change the topic. People who might engage on that topic won’t because there’s no headline that speaks to that topic.

I hate it.

So, I decide to break the rules.  After all, I inadvertently broke the rules on Day 1 by posting something with this headline: “A Blank Piece of Paper – oh the pressure!”  On Day 2, I create a new topic and start the headline with my name as instructed.  And then, instead of typing “- Dailies”, I type “I hate following the rules”.  And then my post is about how I feel about being told what to do on this page and how I probably won’t do what they say.  I may write in the same post for a day, a week, or until a topic is exhausted.  I haven’t decided.

Now, that’s cool and all.  But what’s really interesting is what happens next.  People respond with all kinds of perspectives.  They run the gamut, like:

1. Good for you! I’ve always been a rule-breaker, so I find it amazing that you’re even agonizing over breaking the rules.  I just do it.
2. I’m a rule follower.  I can’t imagine doing this.
3. Maybe you don’t really understand the rules. Let me explain them to you more clearly.
4. I guess you don’t understand how these workshops work. Get with the program.

All of the above is my paraphrase of what they said.  Everyone was much kinder than this.

As I read and interacted with the people who wrote these comments, it struck me yet again how different our perspectives are.  How much we interpret what others write or say, even as they attempt to be as clear as possible, through our own filter.  Which means that what we get from something may not be at all what they intended, meant, or sometimes even said.  How others respond says more about them than it does about us.  At least most of the time.

What was also interesting was my emotional reaction as I read the comments.  To some, I thought, “Right on!  I love this.  I’m looking forward to interacting with them in this workshop.”  To others, it was, “I don’t get where they’re coming from, but it’s interesting to explore.”

Then there were the ones where I felt shame and had to deal with it.  I felt less-than.  Wishing I could take back my words.  It took a few minutes to breathe that in and process it so I could respond, never mind write another post.

I had to do some work myself to process the feelings that came up when people responded in challenging ways.  Especially where shame was involved.

And I thought all I was doing was writing a simple post about the struggle between rule-following and rule-breaking.  Trying to decide how I’d respond.  I didn’t expect this at all.

Maybe I gave voice to things others were feeling and didn’t know how or have the courage to say.  Maybe I triggered the desire for safety, which often manifests itself in conformity.  I don’t know.  But I’m curious to see what happens as the workshop progresses.  How I show up.  How they show up.  How we grow in our ability to see others’ perspectives before they even have to say it.

Do you ever wish you could ask the question that everyone is thinking and no one has the guts to ask?  Or maybe you’ve done that.  Brought up that topic that’s on everyone’s mind.  I’d love to hear what you have to say in the comments.

When you give voice to what everyone else is afraid to say, you’ll be a hero to some. And others may throw rotten tomatoes.
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The post Don’t Let the Tomatoes Hit You on the Way Out first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Play Episode

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Where’s the Song?
Random Riffs – Batching Revisited
Feature Segment – Everything is Figureoutable, Part 2

Today’s Quote

There is a wisdom of the head, and a wisdom of the heart.  – Charles Dickens

Rhythm of Life – Where’s the Song?

“Why not make some 5-minute art about that?”  That’s something my friend Sam Bennett says a lot.  She explained it in her book “Get it Done – From Procrastination to Creative Genius in 15 Minutes a Day”

So now I’m on a group call with Sam and 5 other women.  Describing the frustration of my creative work not working.

This time she didn’t suggest making 5-minute art.  This time, she asked “Where’s the song?”  She wanted me to practice the thing that was frustrating me to express how I felt.  Get back on the horse, so to speak.

You can hear what I wrote and what I learned by listening to the episode.

So, where’s your song?  Or whatever you make?  The world needs more of it.

Random Riffs – Batch It Revisited

You know how on Episode 130 I talked about how I batched my cooking, and that you could use this method to get more done with any project?

Well, this segment isn’t called Random Riffs for nothing.  Because sometimes random thoughts just pop into my head.  Like the song that you can hear when you listen to the episode.

It’s good to find the humor in almost anything.  And, I guess I have a lot of dishes to wash.

Feature Segment:  Everything is Figureoutable, Part 2

It’s all about love.  That’s the letter my 100-year-old self wrote to my present self as part of an exercise in Marie Forleo’s book Everything is Figureoutable.  Marie asked me to go to a quiet place, get comfortable, set the timer for 15 minutes, and allow my hand to move on the paper without thinking, editing, or stopping.

Now I’ve done this before.  It’s similar to Morning Pages, an exercise taught by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way.

Marie’s exercise is similar but not exactly the same.  Listen to the episode to hear what Marie recommends and how it turned out when I tried it.  And if you want to hear my commentary on the first half of Marie’s book, listen to Episode 128.

Anyway, what my 100-year-old self wrote to my present self was all about love.  I really had no idea what was going to come out.  I prayed before I started.  And that’s what materialized on the paper as I wrote without thinking, editing, or stopping.

I can’t even begin to describe how powerful this was for me.  To see these words and read them back out loud.  I know I said this about the last episode with another exercise, but this one alone was worth the price of the book.

So was this one, called “What I really want is…”  It’s meant to be done over 5-7 days, I did it for 9.  And had some interesting observations after completing it.

1. What I wrote was influenced by how I was feeling at the time.
2. Even so, there were still some themes that consistently stood out.

After reviewing the primary themes, I wrote a summary with an analysis of my conclusions.  Listen to the episode to hear what they are.

My analysis of this exercise:

1. Its power lies in your willingness to be honest.
2. Even for someone like me who is multi-passionate, and cares about a lot of causes, you can eventually see trends/theme if you keep at it.
3. It’s important to use both your mind and heart to discern what’s right for you. .

If you’re willing to do the hard work, using both your mind and heart, get Everything Is Figureoutable.  Don’t just read it.  Do the “Insight to Action” challenges.  Because power isn’t in knowing.  Power is in doing.

Now, you and I are still limited by our own beliefs.  We can’t simply chant positive affirmations to get ourselves to believe a different truth.  That’s where next book comes in: Afformations.

I’m just about to start reading it now.  When I get far enough along to evaluate it for you, I’ll include it in an episode.  In the meantime, if you have a book recommendation, send an email to  kathleen@kathleenannthompson.com, or leave a comment.

Everything Is Figureoutable.  It’s a great attitude to have in 2020, and beyond..

Power isn’t knowing something.  Power is doing something.
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Self-Improvement Series

127 – Series Introduction
128 – Everything is Figureoutable
130 – My One Word Review

The post Episode #131: Everything is Figureoutable Part 2 first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

I’m feeling like I failed myself.

What happened?

The microphone and my emotions got the best of me.

Whenever I have studio time with Drew, I have a list of stuff to work on.  A mixture of vocals, writing, and production.  This time a lot of it was vocals.  We planned to sing as long as I could, and then switch to something else.

One of the songs I had at the top of my list was “When You Were Here”.  So, while I’m waiting for Drew to come into the studio, I listen to the version of the song we’ve previously done.  And tears are streaming down my face.

They don’t stop.

I listen to the song 3 more times, and the tears keep coming.  Now I panic.  There’s no way I can sing this song.  I’m too upset.  We’re not supposed to perform with uncontrolled emotion.  It has to be real.  We’re supposed to be fully present with it.  And at the same time, it can’t be controlling us like this.

This song is one Drew and I wrote to express how I felt a few years after Jerry died.  How much I still missed him.  And though this isn’t really how I feel now, the song can bring me back there.  You know, the feeling, right?  A song transports you right back into your old memory.  Like no time has passed at all.  Whether those memories are sweet, or sorrowful.

When Drew comes in the room, I tell him there’s no way I can sing this song.  That I’m going to need some time to practice singing it without breaking down.

And so we decide to sing something else.  A song with a completely different feeling.  A blend of joy and triumph.

There’s just one problem.

My heart is still feeling what it felt.  Though I tried to put those emotions aside, it didn’t work.  And now I’m singing this song with no emotion whatsoever.  No matter how hard I try.

I sing and sing and sing.  It probably takes 5 takes before I even sound like I care at all.  It’s pretty.  And completely devoid of emotion.  Dead. Disconnected from myself.  Like a plastered-on smile.  Drew says I sound like I’m singing at him instead of to him.

And he’s right.

That seems to set the tone for the weekend.  I get the spark and all goes well for a while.  And then it dies again.  As I’m driving to the airport and listening to what we did, I can hear it.  The dead spots.  The places where I’m trying too hard.  Not letting it flow.

That’s why I get on the plane feeling like I’m dragging my tail between my legs.  Because, instead of singing through my tears, I stopped myself.  I tried to act my way through the situation, and it showed.

What would have been the harm to let the tears fall as I sang?  Sure, it would have been a hot mess.  The first time.  And maybe even the second or third time.  But there could have been something magical about it too.  Raw.  Intimate.  Maybe a few sections we could use.  And fill in with some takes that weren’t quite so emotionally wrought.

Maybe I was afraid I’d never be able to stop crying.  Maybe I was afraid it would strain my voice.  Maybe I didn’t want to cry in front of Drew.  I’m not sure.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that I didn’t want to feel what I felt.  I didn’t think I could face it.  So I chose not to.

I wish I had.  Wish I had the courage to sing in the face of all I was feeling.  Just let it flow.  Like I say, it could have been magic.  Or maybe not have worked at all.  But at least it would have been real and true.

I don’t know about you, but I keep having to learn this lesson.  That it’s best to head straight for the pain, breathe into it, than to try and avoid it.  The best way out is really through.   And yet, so many times I try and hold my breath.  Ignore it.  Push it down.  Tighten my throat so it doesn’t leak out.  And all that gives me is a stiff neck and a voice disconnected from my heart.

If you’re reading this and can see places where you’ve maybe done the same thing, I hope you take this to heart, as I am.  I hope you face your painful place head on.  Not to fight it.  To embrace it.  Breathe into it.  As you do, it loosens its grip on your heart and soul.

The next time I go to California, I’m going to sing that song no matter how many times I cry.  I’m going to let myself feel.  And watch what happens.  What are you going to do?  Let me know in the comments.

When you breathe into pain, it loosens its grip on your heart.
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The post Singing Through My Tears first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

And write I do.  All kinds of songs.  I still have a folder with the hand-written lyric sheets.

Day after day.  Writing.  Experimenting.  Trying to hone my craft.

Most of them aren’t very good.  Some are terrible.  And a few show promise.  Or at least I think they do.  So I send them off to a few publishers.  I don’t remember who, and I don’t remember how many.  All are rejected.  Some don’t even care enough to send a letter.  They just never reply.

Sigh.

I give up.  Other things clamor for my time and attention.  Like supporting myself.  Going to night school so I can get promoted to a living wage.  Then traveling, marriage.  Life.

So I write the occasional song.  For my sister and brother-in-law when they get married.  A psalm.  A wedding song.

That dream’s dead, and I don’t even think I can do it anymore.  So I don’t.

Until my voice teacher issues a challenge to another student to write a song in 2 weeks.  I say I’m going to take that challenge too.  And I write that song.

Now I’m hooked.  Just like those days in college when I hung out for hours in the Sunday School room at the Essex Congregational Church, I keep writing.

And then I find a co-writer.  Who has a recording studio in his garage.  Now we’re writing together, and recording the songs too.

Which brings me to you.

I’m making an album of these songs.  I’m hoping to finish it in the next few months.  When I do, I’m going to release it for sale.  But so much has changed in how we buy and listen to music.  And sure, I know about how the kids are buying and listening, but I’d really like to know about how you listen.  Because I want to make it as convenient as possible for those who want to hear my songs to find them and be able to listen.

So, if you would, please fill out a short survey about the music you like, how you find it, and how you listen.  It would mean the world to me.  Just click here to take the survey.

When you do, you’ll also get an invitation to a backstage pass to my journey.  I’m sharing stuff with that group that I don’t share anywhere else.  You’re invited to join the group too.  After all, we’ve been friends for a while now.  I’d love you to be part of this ongoing adventure..

Back to you again.

Is there something you stopped doing because it didn’t seem practical?  You didn’t think you had time for, or gave up on because you weren’t good enough?  Do you find yourself regretting that you gave it up?  Wishing you could start again, and feel like it’s too late now?

It isn’t too late.  Maybe you’ll never be the professional ice skater now, like I won’t be the next Lady Gaga.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy something for its own sake.  That you can’t hone your skill because it’s a good discipline and also so much fun you think it should be illegal.  Because you can.  That’s what I’m doing right now.  Having fun writing and recording.  Learning from a master.  Honing my skill.

I wish I hadn’t given it up.  When I think about how good I could have been if I studied and kept at it, I sometimes want to cry.  And then I remind myself that at least I’m doing it now.  What’s in the past is the past.  Now I’m choosing my present and future.  I’m doing what I love.  No matter where it leads.

Please take the survey.  And then look at your life right now.   What have you given up that could help feed your soul if you do it again?  Woodworking? Gardening? Writing poetry? You’ll be amazed at how much more energy you’ll have for everything else in your life.  Because your soul will be lit up.

Let me know what you’re going to do.  Or if you’re already doing it, how it’s impacting your life.  Leave a comment.  And, thanks for taking the music survey.

You don’t need a reason to do what you love.  Love is reason enough.
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P.S., If you share this post with your friends, I’d be eternally grateful.

The post Will You Help Me With a New Project? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Play Episode

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Batch It
Random Riffs – Inside-the-Box Creativity
Feature Segment – My Annual Review in One Word

Today’s Quote

I do not have one theme for each season, I just try to make beautiful clothes all year round. – Oscar de la Renta

Rhythm of Life – Batch It

I had a ton of food in the fridge just waiting to be turned into something delicious.  And, on Monday morning, I made 2 kinds of muffins, Irish stew, butternut squash soup, and chicken.  Whew!

(c) Kathleen Thompson

What’s so great about making all this at once?  It’s batching.  It’s a great way to get more accomplished.  Listen to the episode to hear the benefits and some tips on how to do it.

How might batching your work benefit you?  Leave a comment.

Random Riffs – Inside-the-Box Creativity

So many people say, “Let’s think outside the box.”  They think that’s where all the creative thinking lies – outside the box.  But what if that isn’t actually true?  In this segment I talk about a study that was done with children on a playground, and comments by a famous music producer, Bob Clearmountin.  Here’s a link to his interview if you want to listen to the whole thing.  The part I’m referring to is about halfway through.

Bob gives an example of a song that used the technique he described.  Here’s the link to that song.  .

Do you have any examples of your own inside-the-box creativity?  If so, please share in the comments or on my Facebook page.  I might even share them in an uoming episode.

Feature Segment:  My Annual One Word Review

At the beginning of every year, I do the One Word exercise that comes from Jon Gordon’s book called “One Word That Will Change Your Life”.

That One Word is my theme for the year.  Something I want to focus on.  Embody.

For 2019, my word was SING.  I talked about it in Episode 107.

I had no idea what would happen when I chose this word.  That’s the beauty of One Word.  It gives guidance and doesn’t try and control the results.  Not only that, but it’s easy to remember.

So what happened in 2019?

1. Through my experience at a singing workshop with my voice teacher, I ended up writing and recording songs with a co-writer. I’m on my way to completing an album.
2. I started putting some Psalms to music so I could sing them at my own piano. Our church ended up doing a sermon series on Psalms, and I wrote 6 more that went with the day’s theme, and taught the congregation to sing them.
3. My voice showed significant improvement
4. I made decisions based on whether or not the choice made my heart sing.

There’s a lot more to the story, which I describe on the episode.  And there’s still plenty of room for growth in every one of these areas.  But it’s time to celebrate just how much my word SING changed my life.

Heard some of story in pieces throughout 2019.  Pull together in one cohesive view of 2019 through the lens of SING.

In a sense, much of this was a complete surprise.  I didn’t plan to write this many songs, or professionally record them.  I was just writing to see if I could do it, and to worship.  So what happened was a surprise.

At the same time, it wasn’t.  Because I was prepared for something to happen.  My mind and heart were open.  Ready.  Watching for opportunity.  And taking action when it appeared.  All because I had my word in my mind.

Imagine what this practice could do in your life!  Something amazing, I’m sure.  You might want to get the book and try it for yourself.  I’ve been doing it since 2013.  It’s so powerful, that I’ve already chosen my word for 2020:

Did you do One Word for 2019?  If so, why not look back on the year and see what happened as a result of focusing on that theme?  If didn’t do this, no worries.  You can do it for 2020.  .

Pick a word.  Meditate on it.  Watch what happens.

One Word can be more powerful than all your goals.
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Self-Improvement Series

127 – Series Introduction
128 – Everything is Figureoutable

The post Episode #130: My Annual One Word Review first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

The next thing I know I’m screaming at the top of my lungs.

My mother rushes in to comfort me.  “It’s only a nightmare.  I know it’s scary, but it’s not real.  I’m here with you now.  I’ll protect you.”

She sits on the bed, puts my head in her lap, and strokes my hair until I calm down and can go back to sleep.

And she does this over and over.  Every time I wake up screaming from a nightmare.  Stroking my hair.  Comforting me.

I’m 32 years old.  At a party with friends.  We’re playing a game.  Everyone sits in a circle.  One person is blindfolded.  They are meant to go around the circle and touch each person’s hands until they come to their own partner’s hands.  The idea is to see how well we actually know our partner.  What happens when we remove our sight from the equation?

As soon as I touch them, I can instantly tell Jerry’s hands.  It’s as if an electric spark passes between us.  I can feel the juxtaposition of smooth and rough.  The tiny hairs on a few knuckles.  Their tender strength.  As soon as I touch Jerry’s hands, it’s like coming home.

Because we’ve touched hands to many times.  In fact, every chance we get.  In tenderness, comfort, protection, joy, and love.  I know those hands better than I know my own.

I’m 54.  Feeling at the end of myself.  Relying on family and friends for food, cleaning, never-ending trips to doctors.  My faith is challenged to the point where I feel as though I’m falling off a cliff.

And then I picture Jesus.  Washing the feet of his disciples.  The dusty feet that walked everywhere in sandals.  Touching the eyes of a blind man to make him see.  Gathering little children to him instead of shooing them away.

The children are crowding around, a few on his lap.  His hands reaching out to bless each one.  So they know he sees them.  I see myself there too.

My mother.  Jerry.  Jesus.  And so many others.  Offering hands of love.

Helping hands.  Healing hands.  Encouraging hands.

Building a door in my basement. Making food. Hugging.  Applauding.  Guiding me to the right path.

Hands of love.

I couldn’t live without them.  And neither can you.

In fact, I wrote a song called “Hands of Love”.  If you want to listen a clip of it, you can click here.

How can you be love for someone today?  How can you use your hands to say, “I see you.  I care about you.  You matter.”?

I’d love it if you’d share a story of your own.  About someone who offered hands of love to you, or you to another.  And how it made you feel.  To share, leave a comment underneath this post, or on my Facebook page.

What speaks the language of love? Hands. Hands that serve, encourage, comfort, and bless.
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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Do You Wanna Dance?
Random Riffs – Melt, Melt, Melt
Feature Segment – My Year End Review

Today’s Quote

Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier.’ –Alfred Lord Tennyson

Rhythm of Life – Do You Wanna Dance?

Drew and I needed a dance song to round out the album we’re working on.  I tried writing it a few times, and came up empty.  Then on the plane I had an inspiration, or so I thought.  It turned out the words were better for a ballad because they told a story.  (I’ll probably save them for another song.)

So now we start over.  Thinking about the type of person we want to dance with.  Now it started to flow.  Listen to the episode to hear a sample of our writing session.  And imagine what it might sound like when it’s done!

Random Riffs – Melt, Melt, Melt

I love traveling, especially when I get to go somewhere warmer in the winter.  But, it can be hard when we get a winter storm while I’m gone.  The last storm left a sheet of solid ice covering the driveway.

I couldn’t wait for it to melt on its own.  I had to chop it. As I worked, I found myself singing the song Jerry used to when he did it.  Listen to the episode to hear Jerry’s song, and then my new one.  You could sing it too.

Feature Segment – My Year End Review

As the teens came to a close, I found myself thinking about what I had learned and done in 2019.  I decided to do a year-end review of my year.  And share it with you in case you want to do one too.

These reviews are usually boring and tedious.  They don’t get to the heart of what happened.  They don’t tell the whole story.  Or even a story at all.  So I took it on myself to do a different type of review.  To ask myself some important questions and see how I’d answer them.

Here are the questions:

1. What Brought Me Joy?   And people.  Art is what we remember long after other memories are gone.
2. What surprised me? That I ended up writing songs to put in an album.  That’ wasn’t even a twinkle in my eye at the beginning of 2019.  Listen to the episode to hear how it happened.
3. What am I most proud of? That I followed my curiosity and the path that seemed meant for me, even though I can’t see a clear end.  Even with no guarantees.
4. What key lessons did I learn? I let fear stop me or slow me down much more than I had realized.
5. What does 2020 look like? Listen to the episode to find out what I think I’ll be doing in 2020.  It should be interesting to see how much the year looks like I expected it to.

Now let’s talk about you.  Why not do your own review, starting with some good questions?  You can use mine ro come up with your own.  You can share your findings in the comments, on my Facebook page, or keep it to yourself.  It’s up to you.

Whatever you do in 2020 and beyond, focus on who you are becoming.  You take yourself with you everywhere you go.  So you might as well be someone you’d want to hang out with every day.  So find your groove and make your life sing.  I can’t wait to hear your song.

Why not let your year-end review tell the story of your year?
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The post Episode #129: My Year End Review first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

You know, when everything might stop working.

That was it.  A hard deadline.  When all our systems had to not only be coded to account for a new millennium, but also tested and implemented.  And there was no room for error.  After all, we were a bank.  And if people couldn’t trust the bank to get it right, there’d be a panic on 1/1/2000.

As it was, many were already panicking.  Storing food.  Taking money out of the bank so they’d have cash.  Making sure they had alternate heat and electricity sources in case the power grid went offline.  Planning for the worst.

And our clock is now ticking.  Showing less and less time with every passing day.

Now, I gotta tell you, by the time the clock shows up, our work is already well underway.  We didn’t know how long it would take to fix every date in every system, so we started early.

Design, code, and test.

And the clock keeps ticking.  Counting down to Y2K.

Now it’s December 31^st.  Y2K is here.  The clock shows less than 24 hours.  After a quick dinner with Jerry, I go back to work, and he goes to a party.  With a pair of sparkly 2000 glasses.  We run the normal month end.  Check everything.  We’re ready.

At 11:30 pm, we all gather together around the clock.  Nothing left to do but wait.  We talk and joke.  About what we’re missing.  What we think might or might not happen.  And we stare at the clock.  While it keeps counting down.

One minute left to go.  This is getting more tense than waiting for the Times Square ball to drop.  Because we know that when the clock reaches zero, it’s time for us to test everything again.  For the last time before real people start using the system in the morning.

5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 2000!!!!  Happy New Year!!!

We quickly clink coffee mugs and race to our desks to test.  For a while you hear nothing except keys clattering throughout the office.  Each one executing what’s on their checklist.

“Check.  Check.  Check.”  Everyone reports back.  No problems.  Smooth as silk.

Nothing happened.

All that hype.  All that work.  Led to nothing.  A very welcome nothing.  Looking like just any other day.

Except it wasn’t.  We had accomplished a lot in a short time.  Executed flawlessly.  While a clock kept ticking.  We focused on what was most important and did it.

Today is the eve of a new decade.  2020.

Some are panicking, prophesying gloom and doom everywhere.  Our society is in complete tatters.  The economy will go under soon.  Political polarization has never been greater.  They are circling the wagons, trying to protect themselves, their country, their lifestyle, or whatever.

Some are ignoring the clock as it relentlessly keeps counting down.  Acting as if they have forever on this earth.  Unlimited time.  Unlimited do-overs.  Unlimited options.

Neither is true.

What is true is that yes, some things are pretty messed up.  The obesity rate is alarming and growing.  Opioid and other addictions.  Plastics in the oceans.  And more.  All problems that need solving.  Problems that will take capital, collaboration, and creativity to solve.  Where the solution isn’t easy.

And you don’t have all the time in the world to live.  Your clock is ticking.  As is mine.  Just like the Y2K clock.  The only difference is – you don’t know when yours will stop.

What’s also true is that you can make a difference.  Bring light to the darkness.  Ease suffering.  Be a friend when someone needs it.  Maybe even change the world.

So why not take this opportunity, at the cusp of the new decade, to live every moment.  With intention.  If it’s time to work, then work.  If it’s time to play, then play.  If it’s time to rest, then rest.  Make the most of the minutes you’ve got.  However many they are.

Clear away the distractions.  Focus on what’s most important: love, laugh, celebrate, sing, share, serve.  Be a light in the darkness.

(c) Photo by D A V I D S O N L U N A on Unsplash

The clock is ticking.  What will you do with the time you’ve got?

Happy New Year!!! If there’s something you’re committing to, leave a comment.

The countdown clock is ticking. What will you do with the time you’ve got?
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The post The Clock is Ticking first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

I can just picture it, can’t you?

Everything from gorgeous and creative to tacky and hilarious.  Proudly hung on the special memories tree.

That got me thinking: what interesting holiday traditions do you have?  Maybe it’s a unique food, or a gift that keeps getting recycled.  One family I know wears footy-pajamas and watches Christmas movies.

Me?  Jerry and I had one that started kind of innocently and then turned into a thing.  We’d write funny gift tags to one another, using fictitious To and From names.

They were usually related to a show we’d done that year.  Or a place we visited.  Or alliteration.  Like

• TO Kula KT FROM Hana Honey
• TO Superman FROM Wonder Woman
• TO Yum-Yum FROM Pooh-Bah

Here’s a picture of a few I actually saved.  (Too bad I didn’t save more.  They were pretty funny.)

(c) Kathleen Thompson

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Festivus, you probably have a holiday tradition.  As you see, it can be anything, no matter how weird or funny.

Because what matters is that you and I treasure the relationships we have.  And do things that reflect that love.  Whether it be to bake pumpkin pie without ginger because you mother’s allergic (like my sister Ann does), or sneaking a gift into your brother’s car when he’s not looking, or a gag gift exchange, each tradition comes with love.

So what’s yours?  Share in the comments.  And I wish you a holiday filled with the warmth of love and light.

Peace to you today.

Kathleen

The best holiday traditions reflect the love we share with each other.
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A bunch of charred trees.

We learn later that the evergreen forests of the west actually count on fires to keep them healthy.  Because the only way the pine cones will open and spread their seeds is from extreme heat generated by something like a fire.  Life coming from death.

We see whole hillsides covered in nothing but the black trees that stand like toothpicks.  A stark contrast to the sunlit sky. And then we see the new growth. Still small.  Partly hidden.  But definitely life.  Springing up out of the charred sentries that grace the forest.

My life has done that too.

A new one forged from the charred remains of my heart after Jerry died.  As sudden as a forest fire, his death left turned my heart and my life into cinders.

And yet.

The fire caused other seeds to release.  Sprout.  Even flourish.

So today, on the anniversary of Jerry’s death, I want to remember and celebrate the life we had together.  The memories we made.  And the life I have now.

Just as vibrant.  Just as beautiful. With some tears mixed in for the life that died that day.

My new life doesn’t forget the old.  And it doesn’t live in the shadow of it either.  I’ve incorporated what was into what is. Letting the ashes of my old life fertilize the new.

So I wrote a song.  With my friend Drew Lawrence.  It’s called “Making Memories”.  Because the memory of the joy Jerry and I shared on a motorcycle trip to Montana has been a beacon to remind me of the joy I can experience right here an now.  That you can experience too.  Even if you’re riding through a burned-out forest with the lingering smell of ash.

If you want a taste of the joy and freedom of the open road under the big Montana sky, then check out this video I created to accompany the song.  A little slice of heaven from the back of a motorcycle.  A life that’s ending was sudden and final.  A life that contained the seeds of the one I have now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLAi7v43AKE

So let’s dance.  Sing.  Rejoice in the life we have right here.  Right now.  Let’s make today a memory we cherish as much as the memory I have of our trip to Montana.  What do you want to remember today?  Leave a comment and share.

What memories do you want to make today?
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P.S., At some point I’m going to make this song available as a single.  I’ll let you know as soon as it happens.  (But first I have to figure out how to do that.)  In the meantime, you’re the first to be able to hear this song.  Feel free to share with your friends.  And don’t forget to dance!

The post Out of Death Springs Life first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – A Motorcycle Manta
Random Riffs – What’s on Your Christmas List?
Feature Segment – Self-Improvement Experiment: Everything is Figureoutable

Today’s Quote

What came up at age 49 is I realized that of all the things I’m interested in, the thing I’m most interested in is figuring out what makes people tick, why people think the way they do, why they act the way they do. And I realized that music is such a great way to investigate why people do what they do.  –Yo-Yo-Ma

Rhythm of Life – A Motorcycle Mantra

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  I chanted that under my breath as I practiced driving skills at a motorcycle safety course.  I was struggling with executing hairpin turns in a small box.

It seemed to help.  I passed the test, even though I struggled a bit on that one skill.

But what does that really mean, anyway?  That I literally can do ANYTHING?  Listen to the episode to hear what I have to say about that.

Random Riffs – What’s on Your Christmas List?

As I watched a friend’s children making their Christmas lists, I began thinking:  how many children ask for things they shouldn’t have to be worried about?  Like:

• My dad (or mom) comes home from the war
• Shoes to wear to school
• Billy stops bullying me

I have some things like that I want too.  Listen to hear what they are.

Santa can’t bring those things and put them under the tree.  But we can.  It takes each one of us working together to get started.  We won’t finish in our lifetime.  It’s still worth trying.  Because the world will be better for us having done what we can.  Together.  Merry Christmas.  And may the deepest wishes of your heart come true.

Feature Segment: The Self-Improvement Experiment – Everything is Figureoutable

Marie Forleo released a book titled Everything is Figureoutable.  I’ve been waiting for this to come out, so chose it as the first in my Self-Improvement Experiment.  Marie says you can retrain your brain to think more creatively and positively in face of setbacks.  And that will make you unstoppable.

What I love:

Marie doesn’t tell us that everything can be the way we want.  Or changed.  But she does believe that at the very least we can figure out our next move – our response to what has happened.

We should take action in our life not just for ourselves, but also for others.  This is refreshing, and not always discussed in books of this type.

The way Marie talks about fear and how to discern the role fear is playing in the situation.  Whether it’s protecting or preventing you from doing what you’re called to do.  This alone was worth the price of the book.

Marie’s story-telling is great.  It helps the reader to better understand the principles, and keeps it lively.

What I love less:

The beginning of book was stuff I’d heard many times before:

• Belief is what’s behind every though, emotion, and action
• You are responsible for your own life
• “I can’t” means “I won’t”

Some of the recommended actions didn’t have the effect Marie intended.  Sometimes the approach was either/or.  I found that my answers were more like yes/and.  Other of her recommendations were golden.  Again, worth the prices of the book.

I’m just over 50% through this book right now.  But I didn’t want to wait to talk about it.  I may extend this to a second podcast, depending on whether what comes next is different enough from the first half.  If not, I’ll move on to the next book – The Book of Afformations by Noah St. John.

Did you read Everything is Figureoutable?  If so, please leave a comment to tell me what you learned, or didn’t.

Now go figure out what you’re going to do next.

To get the most out a book, test the ideas on yourself. And then teach someone else.
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The Self-Improvement Experiment Series

127: Introduction to the Self-Improvement Experiment

Note:  I make a few cents if you buy a book from the links on this post.

The post Episode #128: My Self-Improvement Experiment – Everything is Figureoutable first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

I posted a comment at the time, and a few people went back and forth with each other.  And I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  So I’d like to ask you – do you think it’s good to be yourself, or should we try and be better than ourself?

People who I greatly respect have weighed in on different sides.

First, there’s Brene Brown.  She’s a proponent of authenticity.  Not hiding.  Not “armoring up”, as she calls it.  Dr. Brown’s research shows that those who are more authentic and vulnerable connect with people better than those who don’t.  Brene says it takes a lot of courage to show up as yourself.  And when you do, it gives others permission and the space to do the same.  Which makes our relationships deeper and more meaningful.

Then there’s Seth Godin.  He says that if we show up as our authentic self, that sometimes we’ll be lazy, or rude, or low-energy.  That we act based on our emotions, which doesn’t always put ourselves in the best light.  And isn’t generous toward others.  Seth has stated that we should show up as whatever version of our best self we think will best serve those we are trying to reach.  Seth is one who says that authenticity is overrated.  Which is almost exactly what my Instagram friend said.

On the surface, these two positions appear contradictory.  Yet, because both are thoughtful people, I suspect they’re more similar than they are different.

Why am I even writing about this?

Because this is something that I’ve been wrestling with for quite a while.   I’m not sure I have the answer.

I know many writers who say that authenticity is what connects with readers.  Helps them picture whatever world the writer has created.  I know that as a culture we have pretty sensitive radar to determine if someone is being fake.  And we often turn it off or tune it out.

We’re tired of being a number.  A cog in the wheel.  When someone acts out of their humanity, we tend to gravitate toward them.  I don’t know about you, but I can sniff a salesy email a mile away, and just delete it.  We hate it when people inflate their social media posts to sound way better than the actual event.  It feels wrong to us.

And yet, we don’t really follow people who don’t seem to know where they’re going.  Who don’t communicate some kind of vision we can believe in.  People who seem uncertain or confused.

As a Leader, there were times when I had absolutely no idea what we should do.  I wasn’t sure if we’d get information that would make the decision clear or not.  In many cases, we had to choose a course of action with no clear path.  And sometimes I struggled with what to say to the team.  Be vulnerable and authentic and tell them I didn’t know what we should do?  Exude confidence and tell them that we we’d communicate a plan shortly?

In the end, I often chose a third way.  I told them we didn’t have a plan right now, and I had every confidence that we’d have one shortly.  And we’d let them know as soon as it was ready to go.  That let them know that we were being honest.  That we weren’t pretending to have or be something that we weren’t.  And still gave them confidence in us.  It reduced their stress level for sure.  I could see it in their eyes.

Because it seems that people want both authenticity and reassurance.  They want to know they can trust you.  That there will be some consistency in your behavior.  That you won’t just let it all hang out.

It’s almost like – what you say and do had better be real.  A part of who you really are.  But you don’t have to show all of it, and you can choose to showcase the best part of who you are to those around you.

Maybe the test is “What’s the most loving thing to do or say right now?”  Is it showing our weakness, or showing our strength?  Is it being one of the crowd, or leading them somewhere?

What about with our spouse?  Or friend?  Is it okay to show our crabby self to them?  If so, for how long?  Maybe that’s how we authentically feel, but does that mean we should subject others to it on a regular basis?  Is that what love looks like?

I think it’s important to be able to express the deep emotions of our hearts to those who love us.  And yet, they deserve love and respect too.

Maybe there’s no one right way.  Maybe we have to hold both truths simultaneously and figure out at the time how to navigate between the two.  I don’t know.

What I do know is that it’s not okay to do something that’s not honest, just because we’re concerned what others will think of us.  We can, however, choose to operate out of our best self because we’re motivated my love.

I’d love to know what you think.  How you balance what looks like conflicting values in your life.  Please leave a comment.  I’d love to know how being authentic has helped you connect with others, or caused a problem you had to then recover from.

Let’s use love as the measure of whether or not to be our authentic self.
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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Don’t Stick Your Neck Out
Random Riffs – Baby, It’s Cold Outside Revisited
Feature Segment – Give Gratitude All You’ve Got

Today’s Quote

Gratitude turns what we have into enough.  -Anonymous

Rhythm of Life – Don’t Stick Your Neck Out

“Don’t stick your neck out!”

You’ve probably heard someone say that to you when you were thinking of taking a stand for or against something.  Or trying to make a change.

To some it means, “Don’t be seen.  Don’t take a risk.  Hang with the crowd.  It’s safer that way.  Don’t get your head chopped off.”

In my life, the phrase has taken on whole new meaning.  My Alexander Teacher wants me to be all in or all out.  Not stick my neck out.  That’s only partly in.

Going all in feels scary.  Less safe than only sticking my neck out.  But what if it isn’t?  Listen to the episode to hear more.

Random Riffs – Baby, It’s Cold Outside Revisited

Episode 103, I talked about how much I dislike song Baby It’s Cold Outside.  All kinds of reasons.  Here’s a link in case you want to listen to it.

This song caused big controversy in 2018 because of #metoo.  Now this year John Legend and Kelly Clarkson teamed up to record a new version of the song.  With words that don’t seem to celebrate seduction by coercion.

And yet there’s been backlash for this too.

So here’s a challenge: write some new really cute duets so we can simply forget about this one.  Wouldn’t it be lovely?

Feature Segment: Give Gratitude All You’ve Got

I sat on my couch, hunched over because I didn’t have the strength to hold myself up.  Feeling like I was at the bottom.  What did I have to live for?  My husband had been dead for 7 years, and now I was seriously ill.  I couldn’t see an end to the misery.

“Write in a journal,” people said.  So I did.  Poured out my heart.  I did the same on my morning walks.

Now I notice it’s the same stuff over and over.  I realize I’m repeating it.  Almost rehearsing it.  As if I was practicing my lines in a script.

Is this helping me feel better?  NO.  There has to be another way.  Another approach.

Ann Voskamp’s 1000 Gifts.

Shawn Achor’s The Happiness Advantage.

Both books talk extensively about something important – practicing gratitude.

At time of this release, we just celebrated Thanksgiving in the US.  Whatever you believe about morality or lack thereof in the Pilgrims’ dealings with the native Americans, they set time aside to give thanks for what they still had.  Even though almost half had died.

I knew it was possible to feel grateful.  I just didn’t know how.  And then one day I had an “Aha!” moment.  Listen to the episode to hear what I did, and what the experts say about it.

You don’t have to limit your Thanksgiving celebration to once a year.  You can skip the turkey and pies, and go straight to the thanks.  Every day.

Give gratitude all you’ve got.  You’ve got nothing to lose except negativity.

Question: Do you even find it difficult to feel grateful?  What happens when you practice gratitude?  Leave a comment.

Give gratitude all you’ve got. You’ve got nothing to lose except negativity.
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The post Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

You never know what you’ll hear when you call someone on the phone.

Now I’m listening intently.  Wishing I was there so I could hug her.  Give her some comfort other than my voice.  And then I realize that this is a divine appointment.  My listening ear and voice, as imperfect as they are, are helping her know she’s not alone.  She’s got friends who care.  Who understand hurt and are willing to share it.

Her voice is a little lighter when we hang up.  I didn’t say much.  Didn’t have a magic wand or keen insights.  But she had a companion on part of her trip.  And I was glad to be there.

Now the next call.  It’s great to catch up on the news.  Nothing earth-shattering.  Just a heart-to-heart with a dear friend.  Ahhhhh.  It feels like a warm hug as I drive my car.

Then my phone rings.  It’s the third call.  Another difficult situation. There aren’t any words for this. Again, I’m sitting, listening.  Wishing I could give my friend a hug.  Wishing this situation was different.  Wishing he didn’t have to walk this path.

And yet, that’s reality right now.  For two of my friends.  Only a few days before Thanksgiving, and real life looks nothing like the perfect images of a family around the table with the turkey.

But here’s the thing.  Even in the midst of this, there’s something good.  Both my friends have children, a supportive spouse, nearby friends to give comfort and help where it’s needed.  I don’t say that to minimize the pain.  I say it because it’s true.

These situations are tragic.  There’s no other way to put it.  At the same time,they aren’t the only thing happening right now.  Even if their lives.

All the blessings are still true.  We can still give thanks.  Not for the pain.  But for what else we have.  And for what we will learn if we open ourselves up to growing from the pain.

It takes courage.  Fortitude.  Intention.  Time itself doesn’t heal all wounds.  It can merely drive them underground if we don’t pay attention.  But when we look those wounds in the eye, allow ourselves to feel the depth of the pain, and also choose to give thanks, that’s when healing can begin.

Maybe you’re feeling the mixed emotions that sometimes accompany Thanksgiving.  Missing someone dear to you.  Feeling regret for something you did or didn’t do.  That’s okay.  Feel it.  Acknowledge it.  And also look for what’s good, noble, true, and beautiful amid the struggle you face.  Choose to give thanks.  Practice gratitude.  That’s where the healing happens.

If you have a story you’d like to share, please leave a comment.  And know that I’m sending love to you today.

Practice gratitude, even in pain. That’s where healing happens.
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The post Three Phone Calls, Two Tragedies, and One Grateful Heart first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Fear is Like March
Random Riffs – The Case for Logic
Feature Segment – Self-Improvement Experiment Part 1

Today’s Quote

There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.  –Ernest Hemmingway

Rhythm of Life – Fear Is Like March

I was trying to take action on a business Idea I had, and….after 2 weeks I had made NO progress.  I had all kinds of “reasons”, but even they didn’t explain 2 whole weeks of inaction.

What caused much of the delay? Fear.  Soo strong that it felt like the lion that is March.  Not mild discomfort.  Nope.  A palpable fear, like a physical entity.  All because I had an idea.

Steven Pressfield talks about this in his book “The War of Art”.

He says that if you’re paralyzed with fear, you’re closer to your true calling.  Yet even though I know this, I let fear stop me.  For a while.

Today I finally started on a project plan.  With actions so small they will take 15 minutes or less.  Because they shouldn’t be that hard, right?

I encourage you to do the same.  And, as Elizabeth Gilbert says, don’t let fear drive.

See you on the road.

Random Riffs – The Case For Logic

Breaking News!!!!  Notification of a violent event shows up on my phone. As I listen to the news app, I see comments scrolling on my screen. Two catch my eye, each claiming that the other party orchestrated this to take our attention off the impeachment hearings.

Since they both can’t be true, in the segment we’ll examine the logical case for either being true.  And maybe, instead of touting our lack of logic, we could teach students logic so the next generation won’t simply parrot what they hear elsewhere without subjecting the statements to a logic test?

Feature Segment: Self-Improvement Experiment Part 1

What’s your favorite book?  We can learn a lot about a person based on the books they like.

Some people prefer fiction.  Others love biographies, memoirs, mysteries, children’s, or self-help.

And some don’t have anything good to say about self-help.  On this episode, we:

1. Define what Kathleen includes and excludes from self-help.
2. Use a different term
3. Promise to read, review, and experiment with the principles in some newly-published self-improvement books.

Think of me as your virtual crash-test dummy, except on books instead of cars.  It won’t be a rigorous double-blind study.  I’ll just report on my impressions and experience.  It should be fun.  Possibly entertaining.  And maybe even life-transforming.  We’ll see.

I know which books I’m going to start with.  If you want to join me, get the books in that order and read along. (If you buy with this link, I’ll make about $.05.)

Everything is Figureoutable – Marie Forleo

Afformations – Noah St. John

Creative Calling – Chase Jarvis

If you want to recommend a book to me, leave a comment or send an email to kathleen@kathleenannthompson.com.

Here are the selection criteria:

1. Doesn’t teach a tangible skill
2. Published no earlier than January, 2018.
3. Appear interesting to you and me.

“One must always be careful of books and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us.”  -Cassandra Clare

Books can take you to another world – out there or inside yourself.
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The post Episode #126: The Self-Improvement Experiment – Part 1 first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Another perfect photo of something made by hand with love.

Even the label says it: Made with love by Kathleen Thompson.

Sure, that’s true.  I did make the applesauce with love.  It tastes great.  The jars sealed.  The labels are cute.

But that’s not all that’s true.  Here’s what people don’t show you on Instagram.

I burned my first batch.  Even though only the bottom burned, the smell permeated through the entire batch.  It tastes like smoked applesauce.  Not a flavor I’d purposely create (even though a friend sent me a recipe for potato pancakes with smoked applesauce).

You can’t smell it, but check out how brown it is.

They don’t show you the elbow grease it takes to get the charred black from the pot.

You don’t see how much of a mess it all makes.

How much waste there is

At least I can compost this.

How long it takes to clean up.

And you feel like your life can’t possibly compare with theirs.  Because you don’t see the mess.  You only see the finished product.

How many times did we do a technology release and ended up with 1-2 months of clean-up?  How many times have I gotten over being sick and the cough lingered for days or weeks after?  How often have I thought I was emotionally healed and found myself triggered by something similar?

More times than I can count.  More times than I’d like.

But that’s how life is.  Things don’t always have a clean ending.  They aren’t always as neat as they look on social media.

I haven’t just burned the applesauce.  I’ve burned myself by not paying attention to the heat.

I haven’t just had a mess in the kitchen to clean up.  I’ve made messes with relationships and project.

I haven’t just had lots of waste in the form of apple skins and cores.  I’ve wasted time.  Money.  Energy.  Attention.

And how often do I try to look perfect to the outside world, when my inner world looks like my kitchen did while making applesauce?

That’s why I’m showing and telling you the story behind my applesauce picture.  That’s real life.  The backstage view.  Where the only lights are working lights.  And no one gets applause.

My life is just as mixed up as anyone’s.  Any answers I have I’ve learned through my mistakes and messes.  I’m thankful for the grace that God and others extend to me.

And so I extend that grace to you too.  It’s okay that you burn something, create a mess, and take a long time to clean it up.  It’s part of the human condition.  Getting the truth out in the open – that we aren’t perfect and neither is our life – sets us free.  Free from living up to unrealistic expectations.  Free to be fully human.

If you’d like to share a mess, a complicated situation, or something that simply isn’t perfect, feel free to add a comment.  We’ll celebrate our humanity together.

Life isn’t as perfect as it looks on Instagram. It’s freeing to share our messes with one another.
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The post The Comparison Trap – What You Don’t See first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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This is a special episode.  I’ve been traveling for 2 weeks, and then we had a major storm that knocked power out.  So…here’s what I learned from my travels and post-travels.

I came home with action plans for my new songs and both creative projects.  All I have to do is start to implement.  But so much got in the way of getting started.

1. Real life.  You know,  stuff like errands, laundry, grocery shopping, clearing the yard of leaves.
2. The Resistance, as Steven Pressfield calls it.  It gets stronger the closer we get to our creative calling.

I didn’t plan for it.  I didn’t expect it to be so much.  Granted, the storm was an unusual wrinkle.  And, as a result, all the leaves came down about 3 weeks earlier than usual.

Some of that is normal.  And then there was the storm and unplanned eye doctor visits.  I had to be a bit flexible when it came to my schedule.

Has that ever happened to you?  Life gets in the way of the work you want to do.  Especially when it’s creative work.

It wasn’t all bad.  Here’s what went well:

1. I planned a light schedule.  It didn’t work out as planned, but I couldn’t have helped that.
2. When the unexpected happened, I adapted well.

What could I have done better?

1. Spend the first 15 minutes of the day on my creative project.
2. Put re-entry time on calendar.
3. Spent some of that re-entry time to organize and clean my office, especially of the paperwork I brought back from my trip.

Fortunately, I have a list of action items.  That’s important.  It’s also important to schedule your next actions.  Then make sure you either document where you left off or stop at a natural breaking point.

How do you keep momentum on your creative projects when you’ve been traveling?  Share in the comments.

When you blast off for travel, remember to leave time for re-entry.
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The post Episode #125: Your Project is Waiting first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

“What if it doesn’t change?”

That’s the question I finally had to wrestle with, though I’d been ignoring it for months.

It started with insomnia.  Immediately after my husband suddenly died, I couldn’t sleep.  I was too traumatized.  My mind flooded with memories, fears, grief.  And by the time the trauma eventually lessened, not sleeping had become a deep-seated habit.

My job doesn’t help either.  Leader of a technology team with impossible project deadlines, supporting the system when it breaks down, continual merger activity.  Adrenalin flooding my system.  With its inevitable crash.

And then something changes for the worse.  I don’t know what pushes it over the precipice, but suddenly I’m not merely exhausted.  I’m experiencing violent symptoms that are even hard to describe.  I’ve never had anything like it.

I make an appointment with my doctor.  Now I make the rounds of specialists and almost every test you can imagine.  Tests for heart, digestion, brain scans.  Nothing.  They try different medications as an experiment.  Nothing works.  The attacks keep coming.  And they’re getting more frequent.  Each one feels like it could possibly kill me.

My doctor shakes his head and says he can’t do anything to help me.  His only option is to send me to more specialists.  No way.  So now I go to a Naturopathic Physician, and start a whole new round of specialists.  Acupuncture, psychologist specializing in insomnia, Alexander teacher, nutritionist, endocrinologist.

Together they believe my entire hormonal system has gotten out of whack – adrenals, thyroid, everything.  They’re taking action to help build my system back up.

Meanwhile, the attacks keep coming.  And coming.  It’s so bad that I’m shaking all the time.  Sleep is limited to a maximum of 2 hours per night. Often 0-1.  I’m at the end of my rope.

All this time I’ve been praying.  Asking for answers.  Healing.  Comfort.  And the attacks keep coming.  There’s so healing.  Not even a glimpse.  It’s so bad that family and friends drive me to the doctor, cook, and clean for me.  I can’t take care of myself.  I look like death.

My sole focus is willing myself to be better, as if my mind alone can change the situation.  Any time the question “What if it doesn’t change?” surfaces, I quickly push it away.  That possibility is unthinkable.  And I plead with God to take this away.  This is more than I can bear.  Wasn’t it enough that Jerry died?  Wasn’t that enough suffering for one lifetime?  How can you love me and leave me like this?  If that’s love, I don’t think I want to have anything to do with it.

I seriously think about leaving my faith behind.  After all, what has it done except give me heartache? If I didn’t have any expectations, I wouldn’t be so crushed.

One day, I come face to face with the possibility that this might just be my life forever.  I might have to quit my job and depend on others for help.  I say it out loud, sobbing: “What if it doesn’t change?”.

In my weakened state, I lie on the floor saying, “If this is true, then I have to find a way to create a life. There has to be a way to live with this and still have some kind of joy.”

Now I’m looking for alternatives to God.  To the faith that has failed me.  My mind searches through the database of other philosophies, other beliefs that I’ve been exposed to.  And realize that none will solve my problem.  None will heal me.

I see that I have a choice:  suffer alone, or suffer with God as my companion.  And who do I think sent my family and friends to give me comfort?  Why do I think they were willing to sacrifice so much for me?  How did I find my new medical team?  It’s as if my eyes are finally open to the spiritual dimension and all that has gone on behind the curtain to help me cope with this illness.  Help me on the path toward healing.

Even though on the outside it looks like nothing has been happening, there’s been plenty.  I just didn’t see.  I was too focused on my preconceived ideas of what love looks like to see the real help when it showed up.

So, even though I don’t see any improvement in my symptoms.  Even though I’m still sleeping 0-2 hours per night.  Even though the attacks keep coming fast and furious, I turn to God and say, “I choose to believe.  I believe in love.  I believe in hope.  I believe in joy.  I choose to have it here and now in the midst of hell.  Because you being with me and sending these angels is an oasis of heaven.”  Even as I’m in the pit of hell.

The heavens don’t open up, envelope me in light and heal me.  I’m still lying on the floor.  Exhausted and weak.  A shadow of my former self.

But now I know.  The way to life is to sit with God.  Take his outstretched hand.  Let him love me right where I am.

In the end, I had to choose.  Faith or not.  Life or not.  Joy or not. With no promise of circumstances changing.  With only the promise that God will be with me through it.  Even when it might seem like he isn’t.

Now, 8 years later, I find that I still have to ask that question: “What if it doesn’t change?  Am I still willing to believe?  Am I still willing to follow?”  I still have to choose.

If I avoid the question, it goes deep inside and mocks me, poisoning my heart.  When I face it and ask the question out loud, I begin to see that it’s possible to live a full life in the midst of my struggle.  Because God meets me there.

And though I struggle, and even suffer, I still say, “Where else would I go?  You have the words of eternal life.  I choose life.”

If you’ve ever asked yourself the question, “What if it doesn’t change?”, Michele Cushatt has written a book that may speak to your heart.  It’s called Relentless.  You can order it here.  (If you buy it using that link, I’ll make about $.02.)  After her third cancer surgery, and the treatments that came along with it, she had more than she could handle.  She simply wanted to give up.  It was the relentless love of God that brought her back.  That keeps her going today.  She doesn’t pull any punches as she tells her story.  She has too much respect for your pain to sugar-coat anything.

Pain and suffering can feel so isolating.  Please know you’re not alone.  If you’d like to talk about your story, leave a comment.

With relentless pain or circumstances, we ask this question: “What if it doesn’t change?” How we answer that makes all the difference.
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The post What if it Doesn’t Change? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Sometimes You Just Know
Random Riffs – A Storm By Any Other Name
Feature Segment – Built With Love: Problem Solving

Today’s Quote

We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them. – Albert Einstein

Rhythm of Life – Sometimes You Just Know

It started in my den.  With a phrase that is always near the surface of my mind.  “You are stronger than you know.”  The beginning of a new song.

I’ve had the idea for quite a while, and couldn’t seem to write it.  In fact, I wondered if it was possible for me to write it.  It felt too big.

But, on this day, I’ve got the beginning of an idea, and I write the chorus.  Then, working with my coach, polish it and add a verse.  The next thing I know, I’ve got an entire song.  Except I don’t like it.

Listen to the episode to hear what happened.

Sometimes you just know, you know?  Don’t ignore that voice.

Random Riffs – A Storm by any Other Name

Yesterday the Northeast had a huge storm.  Rain and high winds.  In some places, gusting to 100 mph.  And what do they call this storm?

Not a storm.  Not a Nor’easter.  Explosive cyclogenesis or a bomb cyclone.

I thought they were just hyping it by calling it that.  It turns out there’s a clear definition for explosive cyclogenesis, and this storm fit the bill.  But why haven’t I heard that term until a few years ago?  Can it be that it sounds more scary than a Nor’easter, so they’ve taken to using the technical term?

What if they dialed down the drama instead?  Listen to the episode to hear another naming option that might not be quite so terrifying.

Feature Segment: Built With Love – Problem Solving

“Uh, Houston, we’ve had a problem here.”  Those words, uttered by the crew of Apollo 13 when an oxygen tank exploded and crippled the rocket that was headed for the moon, sent everyone at Mission Control into problem-solving mode.  Trying to get the crew home alive.

They had a strong motivation to figure it out.  A life-or-death situation will do that.  And they did get the 3 men home alive.

But imagine how it could have gone.  If they didn’t know how to effectively solve problems as a team, it could have been a disaster.

The Challenger explosion is a case where it didn’t go well.  There have been several analyses done about where NASA went wrong.  It wasn’t so much the lack of technical know-how.  It was about the process of making decisions.  Recognizing and solving problems effectively.

Problem solving a skill, just like learning to code, fix a car, or play the guitar.  On today’s episode, we’re talking about solving problems with love.

Say what?  What does love have to do with solving problems?  Listen to the episode and you’ll find out.  You’ll find that ego has no place in the room when solving problems.  Here are the highlights as to how to solve problems with love.

1. Externalize it

Put the problem outside the group, on the other side of the table.

2. Dial-down drama

We can’t solve problems when our stress response is in control of our brains. Dialing down the drama gets our cognitive brain back on track.

3. Listen – especially the leader

Not just listen, but listen with respect and presence.  Practice Yes. And.  To hear more about that, listen to Episode 069.

4. Evaluation Criteria

Decide how you’ll decide before you have to decide.  And agree to align behind the decision once it’s made.

Problem solving with your ego is competitive, even combative.  Problem solving with love is about doing what’s best for the people with problem.

For Your Action:  Think of a problem you recently had to solve. If more than you were involved, how did you do?  How effective was your problem-solving technique?  Was there one area that wasn’t as strong as others?  If so, then decide in advance how you’ll do it the next time around.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this Built With Love mini-series.  To listen to all the episodes, go here.

Built With Love Series

Or scroll to the bottom of the post to see all the links.

Remember – you build what you love.  Not what you say you love.  Make sure they’re the same.

Problems get solved well when you check your ego at the door.
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Built With Love Series

115  – Built With Love
116 – What is Love?
117 – Your Team
118 – Your Culture
119 – Your Product
120 – Your Marketing
121 – Your Relationships
122 – Your Communication
123 – Your Story

The post Episode #124: Built With Love – Problem Solving first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

So…that’s it, right?  Not exactly.  Though I did spend some time fixing some spots in the yard that have been perpetual pain points, like next to the stone wall, there’s the matter of the north side of my house.  I put ground cover and shrubs in there so it could be “no maintenance”.  LOL!  Like anything in a yard is no-maintenance.  As in that back garden, there are unnumbered vines in there, most of them with thorns.  It’s so overgrown that it looks like a jungle.  It’s so bad, I won’t even take a picture to show you.  I’m sure there are real plants under there, but who knows where they are.

And then there’s the poison ivy.  That’s something I didn’t have in the back garden.  I’m so allergic that it gives me the creeps just looking at it.

I guess I’ll have to do something with that space too. At some point.  Maybe next spring.

‘Cause what I’ve been feeling lately is that it’s time to do something else.  Not because there isn’t tons of work to do on my yard.  There is.  In fact, it’s pretty much never ending.  But because it’s just time.  I can feel it.  And not just because it’s colder out.

I’ve felt the call of my creativity to just play.  Making raspberry leather for the first time.  Making jam for the first time in probably 25 years.  Working on sets for a show our Gilbert & Sullivan group just put on.  Cooking some new recipes.  Playing.

No agenda.  No goals.  Just time to let my creativity wander.  And while I’m doing that, taking time to pray.  Whenever I’m doing something that doesn’t require too much concentration.

So, if I have an hour free to do something, I’m choosing creativity over productivity.  Not that productivity is bad.  After all, that’s what I was doing while I cleared out the garden.

But we all work and no play makes Kathleen a dull girl.  And the same is true for you.  The work will always be there.  You can’t possibly finish it all.  So why not take some time to play too?

It might be 15 minutes.  An hour.  Or a day.  But it’s important to you and me to not have to produce every minute of every day.  Even machines require maintenance.

And I’m talking about play.  Creativity.  Making something.  Not “relaxing” with a passive activity.  Actively playing with something.  Maybe a car engine.  Detailing your motorcycle.  Planning your vegetable garden.  Using a new herb in a dish you’ve made before.  Playing the guitar that you haven’t picked up for 2 years.

It’s up to you.  You know what that thing is.  The thing you want to play with.  The thing you want to try.  So just do it.  Even for a few minutes.  Your heart will be lighter.  You’ll have a new perspective on your life.  And when you go back to work, you’ll bring renewed energy.  All because you took some time to play.

What would you like to play at?  Feel free to share in the comments.

What would you like to play today?
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 12 – What Now? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – The Jam Obsession
Random Riffs – Jam is Bustin’ Out all Over
Feature Segment – Built With Love – Your Story

Today’s Quote

The great thing about a song is that no one has to know your story. But if you tell it in a way that has clarity and means something to somebody else, then it can apply to their story.  –Amy Grant

Rhythm of Life – The Jam Obsession

It all started with the scones.  Made with flax seeds and almond flour.  I bite into one and say, “This would taste great with strawberry jam.”  But I don’t have any.

I know.  I’ll make some!

One thing leads to another, and now I’ve made strawberry, blueberry, and raspberry jam.  I even made cute labels.

(c) Kathleen Thompson

And to think it all started with scones.  Or did it?  Maybe what REALLY started it was exercising my creativity muscle with singing and songwriting?  Or gardening?  What if the freedom I feel as I create has spilled over into the rest of my life?  What if the same thing could happen to you?

It can.  Simply by exercising your creativity, it builds the muscle until you find it coming out all over the place.   In flavors.  Like strawberry, blueberry, and raspberry.  Or –in your case – maybe chocolate.

Random Riffs – Jam is Busting Out all Over

As I was  writing the Rhythm of Live segment, I thought of this phrase:  Jam is busting out all over.  That’s a take-off on the song from Carousel – June is Bustin’ Out all Over.

Listen to the episode to hear me riff on this.

Feature Segment: Built With Love – Your Story

People use the word “story” all the time – in different contexts.  Marketing and branding experts tell us we have to be good at telling our story.  People feel compelled to tell their story to others.  And we often hear that the best way to connect with others is through story.

What do we really mean?  What’s so great about story?  Does it really matter that much?  What does it mean to build story with love?

One thing story isn’t?  Reciting a series of events.  Reliving an event in your own mind without communicating the emotion to the listener.

When told well, a story is similar to music.  It bypasses much of the brain’s normal defense mechanisms so we can be open minded and open-hearted.  It connects with deep emotions.

When not told well?  People can’t wait for it to be over.

Just like your voice is a gift for others, a story should be too.  Otherwise, you’d just talk to yourself.  To do that, you have to make the audience care.  Be emotionally invested.

At its core, a great story is about change.  A quest for the hero.  That’s why reciting a series of events isn’t a true story.  If you want to tell your story with love, here are the elements you’ll want to include.

1. Captivates the audience – their attention and imagination.

To do that, you need to:  a) Know who they are.  b) Understand what they love and what causes them pain. What they think about.  c) Want to help and serve them in some way

2. Show conflict.

What do we mean by conflict?  Anything that causes the hero to reach a crossroads.  Also known as the inciting incident.

3. Resolution

The end of the story.  How the character changed through the experience.  What they learned, and what we can learn from them.  The results.

To tell a great story with love means you so want them to understand something that you’re willing to work very hard to tell a story that helps them open their heart and mind.  You tell it with vulnerability and respect.

For your action:

1. Take one of your favorite stories. Preferably a short one.  It can be any media.  Analyze the story to determine how the author Captivated Audience, Created Conflict, and then resolved it.  What did you learn from that story?  Analysis of that story?
2. Take story you often tell –in whatever context. Run it through the same analysis.  Are you making the audience care?  If so, what demonstrates that?  Have you created conflict to increase audience involvement?  Is there a resolution?  A lesson for you and your audience?
3. What can you do to build your story with love? Rewrite your story, building in the 3 principles described in this episode.

Want to know something?  Building story with love isn’t  just for other people.  It’s for you, too.  The most powerful stories are those we tell ourselves.  For good – or ill.

Why not take a story you’ve been telling yourself, and learn to tell it better?

Whatever the story, whoever you tell it to, tell with love. Love for the story.  Yourself.  Your audience.  And the art of storytelling itself.

Do you have a story you’d like to tell with more power and connection?  Leave a comment.

When you tell a story, tell it with love. For the story. Yourself. The audience. And the art of storytelling.
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Built With Love Series

115  – Built With Love
116 – What is Love?
117 – Your Team
118 – Your Culture
119 – Your Product
120 – Your Marketing
121 – Your Relationships
122 – Your Communication

The post Episode #123: Built With Love – Your Story first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

The great news?  I got to both ends of the garden.  It’s taken me almost 3 months of intermittent work to get to the end.

During that time, I found the path I almost forgot about.  Dug out a bush to make room for the healthier ones, got rid of countless bittersweet vines.  Inadvertently dug up some real plants because they were mixed in with the weeds.

And…on the left end, I dug out some ferns to find what was underneath them was – more ferns.  A different kind though.  Dark green, shiny, and in a clump.  As opposed to single non-descript ferns that I ripped out.

(c) Kathleen Thompson      “Before”

I found three plants I didn’t know I had underneath the mess.  I also found stones from a little stone wall that had fallen off.  I rebuilt the wall and added other stones to it.

When finished, it looked so much neater.  The plants could breathe.  It looked like someone cared.

(c) Kathleen Thompson       “After”

Whew!  All done.  Or is it?  As I said, I have a lot of empty space that will need filling in order for it to actually look like a garden.  Right now it looks like a haphazard combination of plants, especially in the middle, which is the focal point of the garden.  So I’m not done planting.

I’m not finished weeding either.  Because it took me so long to clear out the big weeds that tons of little weeds grew.  It started almost right away, and has continued.  It’s amazing how quickly they grow.

And I never finished trimming the tops of the bushes.  I never got the ladder out to reach the tops.  I suppose there’s still time, so I may get to that before it gets too cold.

This is so typical of projects, isn’t it?  We plan the project, and somehow miss the last little steps.  Or the clean-up.  I used to do this all the time when I gardened.  I’d budget the time it took to do the primary work, forgetting that I had to water everything, mulch, clean the tools, and put them away.  That extra stuff could add an hour to what I thought was going to be four.

And then there’s the reality that some things need regular maintenance.  Like your car.  Clothes.  House.  And my garden.  It’s just part of life.  It isn’t new, shiny, sexy.  It’s life.  And it’s important to understand what we’re signing up for when we buy or start something.

If I knew how much work it would be to maintain this garden, I may have just put a few shrubs and a small bed underneath the trees to soften the edges and let the rest be grass.  It would have been a lot less work, and may have even looked better.

I may still do that.

Because it’s not just important to count the cost before you invest.  It’s also important to count the cost along the way.  Not what you’ve already spent.  But the cost to continue to invest time or money.

If I want this garden to look like my vision, I’ll have a considerable investment in time and money.  If I want to turn some of it to lawn, there’s a cost to that too.  But I think it would be less of my time once the project was finished.

I have a decision to make.  And I’ll make that decision based on the facts now.  Not on what I already spent.  Because that time and money are gone, and have no bearing on the future.  Even though it feels like they do.

You make decisions like this every day.  You buy an outfit, don’t wear it, and wonder if you should keep it.  You buy a boat, thinking you’re going to use it all summer.  Two summers go buy and you find that you barely get time to sail.  You keep the boat because it’s already cost you so much money.  You start a business project that isn’t working.  But you feel like you need to keep pouring time and money to make it succeed.  After all, you’ve already invested so much.

But the decision to keep or get rid of something, to stay or go, shouldn’t be based on the past.  That’s true for my garden, and it’s true for you.

If you’ve got a decision to make about whether to stop or continue something, let’s commit together to make that decision based on today’s reality.  Not yesterday’s costs.  And if you’d like to share a story, please leave a comment.

A decision about whether to stop or continue something should be based on today’s reality. Not yesterday’s costs.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 11 – The End…or is it? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Because it wasn’t a small bush.  And it was so intertwined with its neighbor.  Not only that, but there were those nasty bittersweet vines wrapped tightly around both bushes.

I resisted taking it out.  Partly because of the work involved, and also because of the sunk costs.  What it cost to buy it in the first place, and then what it had cost to take care of it for years.

Fortunately, my friend Sarah was visiting.  She encouraged me to remove it.  Helped me do it, too.

Sarah was right.  And having her there made all the difference.

At first we don’t know what we were dealing with.  We work together to remove the vines.  Now she goes after the tall weeds while I trim the bush.  Now we can see.  Now it’splain that the smaller bush has to go.

Just because it’s obvious doesn’t mean I want to do it.  I stand there trying to think of any alternative other than that.  There isn’t one.  So I commit and set my mind to the task.

Sarah’s holding branches out of my way so I can cut them.  We’re cutting the bush down to make it easier to dig out.  Branch by branch.  Removing the impediments to our goal, which is to ensure the health of the neighboring bush.

Now for the roots.  First the pitchfork, and then the shovel.  Digging around the roots, while being careful to not disturb the neighboring bush.  Sarah pulling while I dig.  Finally it comes loose.

Sometimes we need someone else, don’t we?  To help us decide what’s right.  To lend a helping hand.  Sarah was that person for me in that moment.  I was so grateful.

I so often have to figure things out myself.  Do them myself.  I don’t have the luxury of someone else living with me to bounce things off of.  I’m so used to it, in fact, that I don’t even ask for help when I could.  And sometimes when I should.

Maybe you’re that way sometimes too?

Brene Brown said this in her book “Daring Greatly”: “Our ability to give wholeheartedly is only as great as our ability to accept help.”  Every time I read or thing about that I kind of sink into my chair.  Because accepting help is sometimes hard for me.  And asking for help?  Even harder.  Yet, if no accepts help, then how can anyone give?  And accepting help keeps us humble.  We see and understand where others are strong than we, and freely accept their help.

It’s much more fun to be part of a team, especially when everyone brings their strengths to the group. It’s also energizing, and stimulates everyone to do their best.  Yes, I can see the benefit of accepting help.

But it feels different to be part of a team, as opposed to a supposedly self-sufficient New England Yankee who’s used to pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and doing everything themselves.

Yet, even as I say this, I so clearly see how much Sarah helped me in the garden.  How others have helped me in big and small ways.  Taking care of me when I was so ill or when my husband died.  Helping me evaluate my clothes to decide what to keep and what to let go.  Inviting me for dinner so I don’t have to eat by myself.

My life is richer for the help others have generously extended to me.  I’m sure yours is too.  Because sometimes it really is better together.

Do you have a story about a special someone who helped you?  Leave a comment and share your story.

Many hands not only make light work, but also more fun.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden part 10 – Sometimes it Takes More Than One first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

And now I can see the effect of decisions I made years ago.

You know how the tags on the plants tell you how far apart to plant them?  And how tempting it is to plant them closer together because it just looks so anemic when you plant them?  Yeah that.  It’s not so bad when you do it with perennials.  They’re not so hard to dig up and move.  But bushes that will grow to more than 6 feet high and almost as big around, with a huge root system?  Bushes that would probably take a machine to move or several large men?  Yup.   That’s what I did.  Planted them too close together.

They seemed really far apart when I planted them.  I couldn’t imagine they’d fill in the space.  But they did.  And then some.  Some have become so intertwined with each other that it’s impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. The only way I know they’re different is that the leaves are different.

In case you’re not a gardener, having bushes this close together is a problem.  For several reasons:

1. The roots compete with one another for water and food, leaving both at risk.
2. The plants need light, and for the air to circulate around them.
3. The garden looks wrong somehow. Like a solid wall of plants, warning others away.  Instead of inviting us to stroll through it.

All I had to do in the beginning was to read the instructions and be patient.  I know I read the tags.  I simply ignored them because I couldn’t wait for the garden to look good.  I wanted it to look good right then.

And now I’m paying the price.  So a few days ago I dug out a bush.  Not because it was dead, though it wasn’t in the greatest shape.  No.  Because it was right on top of another bush that had a better chance of survival.  I looked for somewhere else to put it, and quickly realized that anywhere else I’d put it would be repeating the same mistake.  So, it went in the back compost pile.

It was painful, and had to be done.  I needed to give the other bush some air.  Some space.  Once I did that, it began to respond almost right away.  It was as if it had been hold its breath, or even gasping for breath.

It doesn’t stop there.  Now I see other bushes that are too close together, at least in their present untrimmed state.  These I decide to trim back in the hope that I can keep them where they are.  Continue to shape them instead of finding a landscaping crew to move them.

(c) Kathleen Thompson. You can’t tell there are 3 bushes here.

Now I’m trimming.  Can’t even reach some of the branches, so may have to go back at it with a ladder and my electric hedge trimmer.  When I finish what I can reach without a ladder, I see just how misshapen these bushes are.  They’ve become flat on the side that hit against the other bush, while the other side is well-rounded.  In that space between bushes the branches are leggy, misshapen, only have leaves way on the outside. There wasn’t enough sunlight.  When I cut them, the branches look dead.  I keep them there in case they’re still alive.  In case they can resurrect.

I don’t if this will work.  Even after all this trimming, I may end up getting them spaced farther apart.  Only time will tell.

I’ve learned a lot from this experience.

1. Trust the experts. The nursery growers know better than I how far to space the plants.
2. The higher the stakes, the more important it is to get it right. Large bushes are harder to transplant than perennials.  The corollary to this?  The more you can try something when the stakes are low, the more freedom you have to experiment.
3. Sunk costs shouldn’t affect what you decide to do next, but they often do. I had already spent the money on that bush.  I wanted to salvage it.  It took every ounce of discipline I had to make a decision based on the facts now, and not on the fact that I had spent that money.

Do you have a bush that’s impeding the growth of something in your life?  What could getting rid of it make room for?  Feel free to share your story in the comments.

Getting rid of something good can make room for the best.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 9 – Breathing Room first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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Rhythm of Life – What Did My Heart Say?
Random Riffs – When Two Hearts Collide
Feature Segment – Built With Love – Your Communication

Today’s Quote

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.  –George Bernard Shaw

Rhythm of Life – What Did My Heart Want?

I’m writing a new song.  It’s theme is that little things are what we really love about other people.  I finish it, and then am not sure if I like it.  There’s something that seems wrong.  So I meet with my songwriting coach to review it.

It turns out the reason I think there’s something not quite right is because there is.  I make an abrupt emotional turn that doesn’t keep going in that direction.  It changes directions again only a few lines later.

I had to decide which way I was going to go with the song.  Either make that change and stay there, or don’t go there at all.

There are 3 lessons we can learn from my experience.  Listen to the episode to hear what they are.

Random Riffs – When Two Hearts Collide

From the totally random archives of my memory, a scene from Gilbert & Sullivan’s Ruddigore popped into my head.  As you listen, remember this: your heart isn’t always foolproof.  To discern what is really your heart, it takes quiet.  Stillness.  Don’t act right away.  Put it to the test.  Listen to the episode to hear more.

Feature Segment: Built With Love – Your Communication

I found so many books on my bookshelf about communication.  All seemed to focus on one skill.  And yet so often it’s not those skills that are causing communication to suffer.  No, it’s more that we aren’t communicating with love.

What makes a great culture, product, or relationship?  Great communication.  One would think it should be natural, and yet it doesn’t seem to be.

Imagine if all communication was built with love.  What would the world be like?  Full of life.

What prevents communication with love?  To a large degree, our own pain and fear. That we’ve overcome with varying degrees of success.

How does it look to communicate with love?

• Whole-hearted and vulnerable vs. armor.
• Understanding and empathy vs. judgement.
• Kindness vs. bullying.
• Honesty vs. hiding.

Principles to communicating with love

1. Deal with your own stuff.

Take a listen to these old episodes to hear more about this.

Episode 034

Episode 036

2. Love them as they are. Not how you wish they were.  Or like you are.
3. Listen. Listen. Listen.
4. Uphold a high standard of truth

You can say something that’s true and it isn’t the truth.  The truth goes deeper.

Communicating with love requires sacrifice on our parts.  Sacrifice of our time, agenda, or ego.

Don’t do because it pays you.  Do it because it’s right.

The letter to the Romans in the Bible says this: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  That starts by communicating with love.

Communication is the undercurrent to everything we do and say. Do it in love.
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Built With Love Series

115  – Built With Love
116 – What is Love?
117 – Your Team
118 – Your Culture
119 – Your Product
120 – Your Marketing
121 – Your Relationships

The post Episode #122: Built With Love – Your Communication first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Sarah and I were roommates at a college in New York City, and spent a lot of time walking around the streets just soaking up the vibe.  So, in a way, it WAS like being home.

But we were here to see the 9/11 museum.  We’d both seen the memorial at ground level.  The waterfall built on top of the original footprints of the two towers.  A wall with every name etched in it.

(c) Kathleen Thompson. 9/11 Memorial. Loved ones leave yellow roses.

We had steeled ourselves for what we were going to see in the museum.  We knew it would be hard.  But we didn’t expect to see this:

(c) Kathleen Thompson. The Oculus Transportation Hub at World Trade Center.

The last time I’d visited, this wasn’t there.  It was just a hole in the ground with a fence around it.  Like how much of Ground Zero looked for so long.

We didn’t know what it was, so we went inside.  This is what we saw inside.

(c) Kathleen Thompson

It turned out to be the new Lower Manhattan Transportation Hub.  A replacement for the one that was inside the World Trade Center when it collapsed.  That was completely destroyed.  That transportation hub was the primary center for the PATH trains – commuter trains that bring people from New Jersey into the city.  And on 9/11, several people who owned small boats volunteered to ferry them home because it was the only way to get across the river.

It took 2 years, but they did eventually rebuild the tunnels so the trains could run again.  In 2003, a temporary World Trade Center Station opened.  But when people got off at that stop, there was only a tiny area underground.  When they came above ground, it was in the middle of a dirt hole that had been part of Ground Zero.  It’s been like that until this new center opened in 2016.

The building is gorgeous.  Called the Oculus, it was designed by architect Santiago Calatrava. It has white ribs that interlock above the ground.  At the intersection point are windows.  And the sides between the ribs have windows too. During the day, the building is filled with light.  The building is so distinctive, that it’s become an icon.  So iconic, in fact, that a chopper built to commemorate the 10^th anniversary used the Oculus’ design for its gas tank.

(c) Kathleen Thompson. 9/11 Museum

As I gazed on this building, both inside and out, and watched the number of people bustling in and out, I realized that this Oculus is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.  After all that happened here.  After seeing the damage done to the tunnels.  We built a structure that represents light, hope, and joy.  That embraces our freedom.  That everyday people trust enough to walk through, take the subway, and even shop and eat in.  Living their lives.

I felt such a strong sense of gratitude.  For those who had risked so much to save as many people as they could.  For those who didn’t let terror win on that day.  And aren’t letting fear rule them now.  Who embrace life to the point where they built a testament to the human spirit right next to Ground Zero.

We will never forget that day.  We will never forget the scars, the scorch, the sound of the metal as it crashed to the ground with countless people inside.  And yet, eighteen years later, the land is healed.  The new tower is open.  The trees have grown in the memorial park, so it looks like it’s been there for a long time.  The Oculus and museum are there.  There’s only one more hole that hasn’t been filled, and that’s under construction.

We have an amazing capacity to look for the good, the beautiful.  To hope, dream, and love.  The Oculus reminds us that the worst can be redeemed.  That the light overtakes the darkness.  Let’s renew our commitment to be part of that light.

What have you seen that showed you the resilience of the human spirit?  Share in the comments.

We have an amazing capacity for hope and resilience, even in the wake of horror.
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The post Remembering 9/11: A Testament to the Human Spirit first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

What struck me as I listened was how vivid the small details were.  How blue the sky.  Exactly what time it was when they heard.  What clothes they were wearing.  Things you’d think wouldn’t matter at all.  And yet that’s what they remembered.

Then today I listened to an old podcast with Brene Brown talking about her research.  She was speaking about people who had experienced horrific loss – like those who lost loved ones on 9/11.  Then she said this:

“When I asked them what was the hardest loss, they never talked about the extraordinary things.  They said, ‘I miss the ordinary moments. I miss hearing the screen door slam and knowing my husband’s home from work.  I miss the way my wife set the table.’ And those are the moments that are in front of us every day, that we could stop and be grateful for.”

(c) Kathleen Thompson. 9/11 Museum

It’s funny, because about a week ago, I was thinking about what I miss most about Jerry.  And it wasn’t the extraordinary things either.  It was the little things.  The everyday things.  I even wrote a song about it.  Here are some of the words:

You were standing at the dining room window waving me good-bye.
Like you did ‘most every morning as I turned out of the drive.
One of those little rituals that celebrate our love.
Like linking toes under the table.  Hunting shells at Cockle Cove.

There were several I didn’t mention in the song.  Favorite phrases.  Writing funny tags and putting them on our Christmas gifts.  I could go on, but I won’t.

I’m sure every person who lost a loved one in 9/11 or its aftermath misses little things about that person too.  Because little things add up to big things.  It’s almost like that’s where our real feelings for one another leak out.  It’s easy to gear up for something big – a special birthday, anniversary, or promotion.  It’s a lot harder to consistently do little things that show how much we care.  That’s why we miss them so much when they’re gone.

Here’s the funny part:  some of what we miss are things we didn’t love that much while they were here.  And now that they’re gone, we see it was just part of what made them the quirky, fallible, lovable person they were.

How about noticing and appreciating the little things about the people in your life right now?  The lovable, cute, ridiculous, tiny things that make them who they are.  Like, they only take out the garbage when wearing their leather slippers.  They forget where they put their keys.  They always save the last cookie for you.  Or, they never leave the house without kissing you.

And what little things can you do for others to show them you care?  Because that’s what people will remember when you’re gone.  What you did every day; not once a year. Or a decade.

It’s the little things that make us feel at home.
All the little things we miss when they’re gone.
Precious moments that so quickly fade away… it’s the little things.

What little things do you remember about someone you loved?  Share in the comments.

What do we miss most when people we love are gone? The little things.
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The post Remembering 9/11: It’s The Little Things first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

There were pictures of people standing on the street near the towers and seeing the planes hit.  Not knowing that it would get even more horrifying than that.  There were audio recordings of people remembering where they were.  What it was like to try and call home.  Or get home.  And knowing that many wouldn’t be going home.

One of the most moving artifacts was Ladder #3.  A fire truck that was destroyed when the towers collapsed.

(c) Kathleen Thompson

Ladder #3 had a dozen brave fire fighters who headed straight at the North Tower when others were running from it.  Who ran up the stairs to the 40^th floor to save men and women trapped inside.  And who died when the tower collapsed.  And it landed on top of their truck.

The twisted metal of the truck reminded us of just how devastating the crash was.  The scorch marks were from the blazing inferno as explosions erupted.

And into that chaos those men relentlessly headed toward the building.  Went straight into the belly of the beast, so to speak.  What makes someone do that?

Training, you might say.  And training certainly helps people do what they need to do when under extreme stress.  When their cognitive brain is overwhelmed, they can fall back on their training.  They almost instinctively know what to do.

But what makes people even be willing to do that in the first place?  After all, they’re taking risks with their own life.  It’s scary.  And I can’t imagine they feel no fear at all.  Yet still they head straight in.  Where others fear to go.

Perhaps it’s the belief that every human life is precious, and are willing to risk their own for the sake of another.  Perhaps it’s the belief that we stand for freedom, and will protect our cause at the risk of their own lives.  Whatever the reason, it’s clear that they believe in something bigger than themselves.  A value or ideal that keeps them heading straight into the building.  Into the trouble.

Sure, they take precautions.  Sure, they have equipment to try and keep them safe.  But they know there are no guarantees.  And they do it anyway.

We can learn a lot from these men in Ladder #3.  I hope we don’t have to be tested in such an extreme way as they were.  But how often do we shy away from something because it makes us mildly uncomfortable?  Like perhaps a difficult conversation that, if had, could clear the air and restore a damaged relationship.  Opening our hearts and risking rejection?  Choosing to trust even though we’ve been burned before?  Standing up for freedom, even when it makes us less safe?

To do that takes commitment to a cause greater than our selves.  And some training.  So that when every cell in our body tells us to run to safety, we have the fortitude to run straight into the building.

The men of Ladder #3 made the ultimate sacrifice to try and rescue people who were trapped.  Let’s not let ourselves get trapped by our own fear.  False beliefs.  Let’s instead be people committed to others.  A great cause.  And then train and practice for the times when we’re put to the test.

What’s it going to be?  Run and hide?  Or head straight for the building?

When trouble comes, the courageous run straight into it.
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Have you ever had a situation when someone risked a lot to help you?  Share your story in the comments.

The post Remembering 9.11: Running Toward the Building first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

You read in my post about clearing out the vines that they were wrapped around the bushes.  I even showed you a picture where you couldn’t even see the bush underneath the mess.

(c) Kathleen Thompson

And you saw that I had cleaned out all the vines on the right side of the garden.  So now that same bush looks like this.

It’s looked better. At least it’s alive.

Pretty scrawny, right?  Spaces between the branches.  Several branches had to be cut out because they were dead.  It’s shaped funny too.  And leaning to the left in the picture, which is toward the front of the garden.  I think the vines were pulling it in that direction.

How do you get a bush to grow back?  And how long does it take?  I mean after all, I’ve been cleaning this garden out thinking it would look better – not worse.  And even though I know it’s better because that side of the garden isn’t filled with weeds, it doesn’t look that great.  In fact, it looks rather sick.

1. Create the environment for growth.

Be sure to eliminate the weed roots near the plant so they don’t just grow right back and choke the bush again.  Clip the overhead tree branches to provide enough light.  Loosen the soil so it absorbs more water.  Make sure there’s high quality soil with nutrients for the plan.

What can you do to create the environment for growth in your life?  Light in the form of leaning, an open mind and heart, input from trusted advisers come to mind.

2. Regular maintenance.

If I don’t go back out there for another 3 years, it will look exactly the same as it did before I started working on it.  I need to look regularly at what’s going on.  Look for the emergence of new weeds and get rid of them before they take over again.

It’s always easier to maintain something in good shape than it is to do the hard work of recovery.  Yet, we often don’t have to make the time to get it done.  The urgent gets done first.  Once we get on that treadmill of operating out of what’s urgent, it’s almost impossible to get off.

And you know?  If it’s too long between visits out to the garden, or whatever needs maintenance in your life, we just start again.  Right where we are.  It’s not the end of the world.  It’ll just likely cost more in time or money to get it back into shape.

3. Give it time.

Sigh.  Can’t it be done yesterday?  How long will this take?  That’s almost always my question – when will this be done?  And I want it sooner rather than later.

After all, Amazon can deliver in one or two days now.  Can’t I just click my heels – or fingers – and have it on demand?  Better yet, why not have a color printer just spit out some new branches for the bush where they attach themselves?

Right.

Just like great relationships don’t happen overnight, and great wine isn’t sold as soon as it’s put into the bottle, regrowth takes time.  Effort too.  I’ll probably have to shape this bush and keep trimming it to encourage growth in the middle.

I don’t know how long it will take to recover, or if it will ever look as full as when I brought it home from the garden center.  I do hope it will bloom and at least look less scarred than it does now.  I hope that, like with us, its scars will fade and only be noticeable to the most discerning eye.  That it will shine as a thing of beauty for years to come, now that it’s been freed from its vine prison.

I wish that for you too.  As you remove the vines entwined in your life, may you give yourself time to recover.  Keep pruning to encourage healthy growth.  Let your scars make you stronger and more beautiful. And give yourself time.

If you’d like to share your story, please leave a comment.

When you’ve done some pruning in your life, give it time to heal and grow.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 8 – How Do You Get a Bush to Grow Back? first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Going Out of my Head
Random Riffs – In or Out
Feature Segment – Built With Love – Your Relationships

Today’s Quote

If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace.  – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Rhythm of Life – Going Out of my Head

I have a garden in my back yard that I haven’t worked on for probably 3 years.  And it’s been a “problem child” ever since I built it.  Because several different kinds of nasty weeds were growing there as part of the woods before we cleared it out.

The worst is the bittersweet.  A vine that twists itself around bushes, trees, and even smaller plants.  The roots are orange and spread everywhere.  They’re so hard to dig out.  But I’m trying.  Trying to reclaim this garden.

Working with this vine has helped me see “vines” that have wrapped themselves around my mind and heart.  Listen to the episode to hear more about it.

Random Riffs – In or Out?

Have you ever heard your parents say, “Quit coming in and out the door.  It’s either in or out.”

I felt like saying that to some flies the other day.  It seemed as though they were so anxious to get in, and then immediately tried to get out.

We can do that too.  Say we really want something, and then go in – out – in – out.  Instead of fully committing and taking action.

Dan Gilbert’s happiness talk shows that those who decide and stick with it are happier than those who believe they can change their minds.  Even if they don’t actually change their decision.    If you want to straight to the section I’m talking about, it starts at about 9:20.

Time to choose.  In or out?

Feature Segment: Built With Love – Your Relationships

How do people committed to one another, whether through marriage, family, friendship or partnership end up with a strained relationship?  How can so many relationships be dysfunctional and even harmful?

Relationships, even those closest, aren’t always built with love.  Even if they’re intended to be.  And yet, every relationship that matters should be built with love.  Not necessarily erotic or sensual love.  But brotherly love or sacrificial love.

Johann Hari recently wrote a book called “Lost Connections,” He cites research by a Harvard professor named Robert Putnam that is chilling.

1. People have dropped out of community and turned inward since the 1930s.
2. Active involvement in community organizations fell by 45% between 1985 and 1994 alone
3. Several decades ago, when asked how many close confidants they had, people would say 3 on average. By 2004, the most common answer was 0.

Loneliness has become the predominant feeling in the United States.  At a high cost to us personally, and to the society at large.

Because strong relationships are the glue that hold us together.

What does a relationship built with love look like?

1. People in the relationship grow and flourish
2. Respect
3. Empathy
4. Give and take
5. Differences, not divisions

What makes this not happen?

1. Commitment to our self is greater than to the relationship
2. Extreme competitiveness.
3. Lack of emotional intelligence.
4. Fear – of losing face, of being attacked
5. Shame

There are times when we have to give everything and get nothing back.  And that’s not easy.

How do you build relationship with love?

1. Assume good intent.
2. Active listening.
3. Treat the relationship as more important than yourself. Each party is responsible both to themselves and to the relationship.
4. Speak truth with love.

A question to evaluate whether or not your relationship is built with love: are we better because of relationship?  Is the relationship expanding us – or not?  Is it expanding others around us – or not?

The stakes are high.  Disconnection and loneliness are at an all-time high.  There are cracks in society.  You can help repair them by starting with your own relationships.  Then spread to the greater community and the world.  It all starts with you.

What action do you plan to take to build one of your relationships with love?  Leave a comment.

Build a better world by building your relationships with love.
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Built With Love Series

115  – Built With Love
116 – What is Love?
117 – Your Team
118 – Your Culture
119 – Your Product
120 – Your Marketing

The post Episode #121: Built With Love – Your Relationships first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Not a pretty sight.

I posted the picture on Facebook too.  That stimulated a great discussion about overbuying, thinking we were going to cook more than we actually did,   One friend said,

I looked at the picture before reading what you had to say, and the first thing that came to my mind was, ‘I usually like what she makes, but this does not look tasty!’

Several people suggested that I compost the garbage.  And you know what?  That’s exactly what I did.

I’ve had a compost pile for a number of years now.  Nothing fancy or scientific.  I just dump kitchen scraps, leaves, grass, and some weeds onto the pile at the edge of the woods.  The organic matter and elements do their thing.  And, when I need some dirt, I start digging.

Now as I’ve been reclaiming my garden, I decided to see how much dirt I have back in that pile.  And you know what?  That garbage had already been converted to dark, rich soil.  I dug some up for use in my garden.  Here’s a picture of some of it in the wheelbarrow.

(c) Kathleen Thompson

Seeing all that garbage piled up in one bucket was upsetting, to say the least.  How much money and food I had wasted when others go hungry.  Realizing how I’d let my calendar get out of control so I didn’t make time to use what I had.  You know what I mean.  Plenty of people said they’ve done something similar (though not quite as much, perhaps).

Here it was a short time later, and the mess I made had been transformed into something usable.  My failure had been redeemed.

Not undone.  Not fixed.  But redeemed.  Something good came from something bad.

We have to live with the consequences of our decisions.  Things don’t just magically fix themselves because we feel bad, apologize, or turn from what we’ve done.  We also have to live with consequences of things that happen to us.  Things beyond our control.  Like illness. Death. Violence.

But, just like my pile of garbage turning into rich compost, everything in our life can ultimately be redeemed.  Everything.

Like my husband’s sudden death.  My friend’s cancer.  Another friend’s layoff.

It usually doesn’t happen as quickly as my garbage turned to compost.  And it won’t happen if we don’t set the intention, and create the environment for it to occur.

I had to add my garbage to the pile that was already there.  In a place that gets some light and heat, and has plenty of organic matter already cooking away.

When things happen in my life, I have to ask questions like:

• What can I learn from this situation?
• What does God’s love look like in this situation?
• What does this make possible?

Not easy questions.  Sometimes painful questions.  Sometimes I am so angry that I answer them with “Nothing.  I don’t see any love.  And I can’t imagine anything good coming from this.”  Then I sit quietly and meditate.  Let myself feel what I feel.  Know it’s normal and even okay to feel anger, anguish, or whatever it is.

When I ask those questions later, I can see that the composting process has already begun.  Redemption is underway.  And I get to participate in its unfolding.

Is it easy?  No.  Is it fun?  No.  With compost, there’s weight, heat, and a fundamental changing of the matter from an orange carrot or white cauliflower to brown dirt.  Changing our mind and heart is no less radical or painful.  No.  It’s not fun.

People have asked me if I’d gladly go through the grief of my husband’s sudden death again, after seeing how much I’ve grown as the result of that tragedy.

No.  I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.  I certainly wouldn’t choose to live it again.  And I also appreciate the growth, resilience, and empathy that developed in me as a result of Jerry’s death.  One of the most horrible circumstances of my life has been redeemed.  God has worked in the soil of my heart and mind to make compost out of one of the worst piles of garbage I’ve ever seen.

That compost isn’t just sitting in a pile either.  It’s been put into use, helping others’ gardens to grow.  A kind word.  Sitting with a friend through their own grief.  Reminding people to make every minute count, because we can’t count on the next one.  That’s what happens when you let the garbage of your life be turned to compost.

If you’re sitting right now with garbage in your life, don’t keep it hidden in the fridge.  Don’t bury it.  Don’t put it in a bucket and ignore it.  Put it on the compost pile, give it a turn, and let it turn into rich dirt that can enhance your life and the lives of others.

Everything is redeemable.  Even the worst garbage.

Want to share your story?  Join the conversation by leaving a comment.

Everything is redeemable. Even the worst garbage.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 7 – When Life Gives You Garbage, Make This first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Sometimes you can’t even see the plants because the vines have completely smothered them.

(c) Kathleen Thompson     I know there’s a bush in there somewhere.

It’s one thing to know the vines need to go.  It’s another thing to actually do it.

It can be hard to even know where to start.  So, rather than stand and stare at the vines, trying to figure it out, I just started pulling on one.

Sometimes it wasn’t connected to anything else.  So it easily came out.  At other times, it threatened to take out the good plants too.  Wrapped tightly around them and rooted in more than one place, it was sucking the life out of the shrubs I had planted.

And then there’s the roots.  They spread in several different directions underground.  If you don’t get them all out of the ground, another plant will quickly grow where you just ripped the old one out.  And they’re bright orange.  Like a warning.

(c) Kathleen Thompson.    Roots from just one vine.

So I’m clipping the vines out of the branches, tracing the plant to the roots, and trying to dig out as many as I can.  Because I know if I don’t, I’ll be doing this again in probably a month.

At the same time, I know it’s impossible to find and dig up all the roots.  The only way to really get rid of them would be to spray poison on the plants and let it travel to the roots and kill the entire plant.  And I’m trying not to use that poison at all because it’s bad for the environment.

At this point, I’m not sure how well this will work.  If these vines come back quickly, I may have to try and find another approach.

What nasty vines end up taking root in our lives?  Twisting around our good branches and sucking the life out of us?  Making us less fruitful?  For me, it’s the feeling of not being enough.  The voice that says, “You always work hard, and it doesn’t yield fruit.  It’s just one frustration after another.  There’s something wrong with you.”

And, just like with the vines in my garden, it’s one thing to know these thoughts need to go.  It’s another thing entirely to actually get rid of them.

Do you have anything like that in your life right now?  If so, I can tell you what won’t work:

1. Staring at the situation trying to figure it all out in your head
2. Clipping the tops off without attempting to get to the roots
3. Pulling at the roots with your own strength

It will probably take a pitch fork and a shovel to loosen the soil around the roots.  It will take digging deeper and wider than you have before.  And they’ll probably show up again more than once.  Just like the bittersweet vines in my garden.

I didn’t intend to grow bittersweet.  And yet somehow it ended up in my garden.  I’m sure you didn’t intend to grow everything in your life either.  But somehow it ended up part of you.  And just like in my garden, I’m doing some digging through my life.  Maybe it’s time for you to do the same.

Would you like to make a commitment to dig out vines in your life today?  Leave a comment.

It’s time to dig out the vines that have wrapped themselves around your heart to give it a chance to grow.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 6 – Clearing the Vines first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Now I’ve got extra incentive to keep clearing.  Not only have I begun to enjoy the work, but now I want to find the rest of the path.  But as you can see from this photo, there’s quite a jungle of weeds and vines in there.

(c) Kathleen Thompson   What a mess!

So I put on my gardening clothes and gloves, get out my tools, and start in.

The second stone isn’t hard to find.  It’s right behind the first one.

But the next one isn’t.  It turns out the path’s curved, making it impossible to anticipate where the stones will be.  As I think about it though, it’s got to be close enough to the second stone for me to take a step.  There are a limited number of possible locations for the third step.

Again, I just clear.  The big stuff first, and then start on the smaller weeds.  Looking for signs of the next stone.  Eventually, I’m on my hands and knees feeling in the dirt.  Just like did to find the edges of that first stone.

Eureka!  I’ve found it!  Excited as a kid, I dig out the space.  I’m now 3 stones down the path.

When we’re not sure of the next steps of the path, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.  Feel like it’s one big black hole.  Unlimited choice.  But as we keep looking, we see that the choices aren’t quite as daunting as all that.  That there is some logic to what comes next.

But we have to clear out to find it.  The big stuff first.  Sometimes it’s a matter of eliminating the obvious no.  That narrows down the choices right there.  Then getting into the smaller stuff.  Things that distract us.  That seem like answers and aren’t.

Then there’s the big question – what option seems more like me?  When faced with a big decision, I often use tools that force me to clearly state my evaluation criteria before trying to choose.  I’ve even written about it before, and offered a decision-making template.

Faced with this choice, I did the gardening equivalent.  Tried to think like me.  Since I built this path in the first place, it was likely that it would be curved.  After all, my brick front walk is curved.  The patio is angled.  I think a curved path creates mystery.  So yeah.  It’s probably curved.

Now my choices are slightly to the right or slightly to the left.  The path still has to go toward the back of the garden, and I have to be able to easily reach the next step.  There’s a pretty small area in which I have to look.  Now I can focus on only a small area to dig and look.

That day I completely uncover the third, fourth, and fifth steps, and find the edge of the sixth.  I’m probably about halfway there.  How do you think I feel now?

(c) Kathleen Thompson     Getting there.

Encouraged.  Exhilarated.  Energized.  It’s getting easier to find each succeeding step because now I see a pattern.  The path has curved to the right, and now it’s starting to curve to the left.  My next options will be limited even more than the first.  Because it still has to lead to the back of the garden.  And I still have to be able to reach the next stone in one step.

The same is true for you.  What may feel like the wild west when you start on a path will get more clear with each step you take.  And not until you do.  Finding the first step was the hardest.  Finding the second step was the second hardest.  Each step after that got a little easier because each step limited the options for the next.

Sure, the weeds will be in the way to try and obscure the view.  To try and get you to quit in frustration.  But now you know.  The path is there.  Meant for you.  And once you clear enough, it will get easier to find and use.  Just like mine.

And you know what?  A few days later, I make it all the way to the end.  And then decide to add a few more stones.

(c) Kathleen Thompson    All clear.  And I even added a few more stones.

That’s the cool thing about your path.  You’re not just stuck with it.  You can keep building as you go.  Just find a few more stones, add some dirt, and you’re good to go.  You can make it straight or curved.  Narrow, or wide.  The choice is yours.

There’s a difference though.  My path ends at the lawn on the other side.  Some of your paths may end with a completed project.  But many of our paths have no end.  Until the end of our lives.  Those paths we definitely want to keep building.  And continuously clearing out.

My path may get overgrown again.  I hope not, but it might happen.  If it does, I’ll put on my gardening clothes and gloves, get out my tools, and start clearing again.  As often as it takes to get back on the path.  Are you willing to do the same?

Please share your story in the comments.

The farther you get down your path, the clearer your choices become.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 5 – Finding More of the Path first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

So, I’ve got this big empty space, and now I’m moving to the right of the garden.  I enlarge the space, and then I see two day lilies right near the edge of the lawn.  Not next to each other, though.  There’s a pretty big space between them.

“I wonder why that space is there?  Did something die?”

And then I remember.  I built a stone path about 8 years ago.  Maybe it’s buried underneath everything too.

I start clearing the weeds in that spot.  I don’t see a stone.  Now I’m feeling with my hands.  Something hard.  It must be underneath the dirt.

Bingo.  Weeds and falling leaves brought soil, which has completely covered the stone.  If I wasn’t looking for it, I’d probably never know it’s there.

Now I’m digging.  And quickly find the edges.  Now I dig in earnest and uncover the entire outline of the stone.  I clean it off as best I can, and look.

(c) Kathleen Thompson

The start of the path.  I can’t see any other stones yet.  I don’t know if the path is curved or straight.  I just know there is one.  Because I found the beginning.  And now I’m excited to follow it.  See where it leads.  I know it leads from the front to the back of the garden, but don’t know exactly where.  It will be an adventure to find out.

This is kind of where I’m at in my life too.  With songwriting, I’ve found a path.  One I started building many years ago.  And where I have no idea where it will actually go.  Whether it’s curved or straight.  All I know is that it will be an adventure to find out.

Do you have something like that in your life right now?  Something you’ve started, and can’t really see the whole path?  Where only the first step is clear, and everything after that is hidden?  Standing on that stone without seeing the next one can feel a bit like playing hopscotch.  You’ve got one foot on a square and the other in the air, and you’re trying to pick up the stone and balance without falling over.  It can feel just a little dangerous.

And yet how exciting to not know?  To not be able to exactly predict what comes next?  How cool it is to know that we can be surprised and respond to those surprises with creativity and grace.   Because that happens more often than not.  Whether we like it or not.

Finding that first stone, that first step of the path, makes us want to keep going.  As long as we can live with the uncertainty.  Live in that unbalanced state for a while.

That’s what I encourage you to do.  If you find yourself starting on a path with an uncertain end, why not embrace it?  Let yourself feel that uncertainty.  Maybe even let it fuel you.  Because you’ll get tired of standing on one foot.  Because you do want to move forward.

You will.  Because there is a path.  You just have to clear it.  Be willing to persist until you find the next step.

Feel free to share your story in the comments.

If you’re uncertainly balanced on the first step of the path, keep digging to find the next one.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 4 – Uncovering the Path first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Play Episode

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Little Women and You
Random Riffs – Find a Break in the Traffic
Feature Segment – Built With Love – Your Marketing

Today’s Quote

Here’s my whole marketing idea: treat people the way you want to be treated.  –Garth Brooks

Rhythm of Life – Little Women and You

I just saw the trailer for the soon-to-be released new version of movie Little Women.  That same day there was an article in the Smithsonian Magazine with this as the title: “The new Little Women may finally do justice to its most controversial character.”

Amy.

She’s got a lot to not like.  And yet, her biggest flaw seems to be that she’s ambitious.  Unfortunately, women are often criticized for being ambitious, as if that’s a bad thing.

Now people who try to win at the expense of everyone else, and throw them under the bus are selfish.   That’s not the same as ambitious.  It’s time to change our thinking from shaming women for their ambition to embracing it.  Especially when success leads to more success.

It’s also time for us to stop shaming ourselves.

No one wins when we make ourselves small.  No one.  The world needs more people willing to live big.  Live bold.  Be ambitious.  Even women.

Random Riffs – Find a Break in the Traffic

On Episode 115, I talked about a traffic jam in most unlikely place – Mount Everest.  This year was one of most deadly climbing seasons ever, and there was a photo of a huge line of people waiting to get to the summit.  Many said that Nepal should restrict climbing in some way.

Listen to the episode to hear that happened, and what we can learn from it.

Feature Segment: Built With Love – Your Marketing

It’s right on the cover of Seth Godin’s latest book – This is Marketing:  “You can’t be seen until you learn to see.”  And Seth starts to talk about the revolution that is going on right now.

The mass market has become splintered with the advent of the internet.  It’s clearly seen with the arts group I’m a part of, and with popular shows on television.  We can’t just put an ad in the newspaper any more.  And Game of Thrones, the highest rated show in quite a while, had only about 5% of the US population watching it, which is significantly less than many other popular shows.

The same thing is happening with books, movies, music, and food.  Pretty much everything.  Splinters are happening while we watch.

So…what’s the alternative?  Now you can treat people – like people!!!  You can market with love.

Marketing with Love means put others’ best interests at the forefront.  If we have something that can help them solve a problem we know they have, you have to tell them about it. Start a conversation.  Not force down their throats like cod liver oil.

When this happens, it’s magic.  Marketing becomes a joy to both parties, as opposed to a numbers game.

What does marketing with love look like?

1. Care
2. Listen
3. Empathy
4. Permission
5. Trust
6. Patience

That’s what it takes to build marketing with love.  After all, you’re building a relationship.  The same principles hold true.

As Seth says, when you do this well, you have the opportunity to bring work you care about to people eager to engage with it, pay you for it, and talk about it.  What could be better than that?

Your work matters.  Marketing matters.  Build it with love.

Your work matters enough to market it with love.
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115  – Built With Love
116 – What is Love?
117 – Your Team
118 – Your Culture
119 – Your Product

The post Episode #120: Built With Love – Your Marketing first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.

Because now that they’re not buried, the deer have come and eaten all the flowers off the plants.  Day lily – gone.  Daisies – gone.  Hydrangea – partly eaten.  Like they looked at everything and decided, “Yum.  Salad for dinner.”  Or breakfast.

(c) Kathleen Thompson

(c) Kathleen Thompson

I was heartbroken.  I’d just uncovered these poor plants.  They’d been languishing underneath these nasty weeds for 2-3 years, and just found their way into the light.  I had just discovered them and was appreciating their beauty.  And the next morning they were gone.  I could see the chew marks on the plant. As if someone had taken a knife and cut them clean.

It happens sometimes, doesn’t it?  We find something we didn’t know we had.  We get excited for – 5 minutes – and then it gets taken away and we’re devastated.  Even though we didn’t even know about it not too long ago.

Those flowers were what was keeping me motivated to keep going, and deer ate them like they owned the place.  Like it was their personal salad bar.  I felt the loss more than you’d think I would.  Especially that day lily.

Because I remember when Jerry and I bought that from a fram in Florida.  This company grew about 1000 different kinds of day lilies and sold them bare root so they could ship them all over the country.  The description of this plant was so amazing that I had to have it.  And it was as beautiful as they said.  Maybe even more so.  It’s the only one I have like that.  So it’s special.  And it got eaten in less than a day.

That makes me feel the loss even more than I normally would.

But I still have to get up and work in the garden again.  And now it’s important that I find another motivation than seeing beautiful flowers – at least this year.  Because who knows if I’ll find any more under the rest of the weeds? No, I’m going to do it because it’s the right thing to do.  For the joy of being outside playing in the dirt.  And not necessarily for the results.

Because even if the deer didn’t decide to dine at the Kathleen Thompson Breakfast Place, the garden’s going to take a while to look like a garden.  To look like someone planned and cared for it. The only way I’ll get to enjoy the fruits of my labor is to actually enjoy the labor for itself.

We so often do something for the results we’ll get in the end.  And what if they don’t happen?  In the time frame we want, or even ever?  What if that journey is simply one that will take us somewhere else?  The real path?  The place we’re really meant to be?  How do we keep going when we don’t see the fruit?

That’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times.  Because I’m one who plans for results.  Likes to see them.  Does what it takes to get there.  And in the past, though I’ve often enjoyed the results, I haven’t enjoyed the ride.  I’ve been completely focused on the results I wanted.  And was devastated if they didn’t happen.

There’s something powerful about striving for goals, and, at the same time, enjoying the journey just for itself.  Enjoying the work as its own reward.  Both can co-exist at the same time.  And when they do, greater things can happen.  Because we’re both focused and in a better head space.  We can observe what happens and shift our strategy as needed.  Because we’re not married to one outcome.

I’ve certainly seen that with my garden.  There’s been something cathartic about ripping out nasty vines.  And I’ve seen it as an allegory for the work going on in my heart and soul.  Getting rid of limiting beliefs that have been my companion for so long that I didn’t see how they were choking the life out of me.  Digging out patterns of thinking and behavior that no longer serve me.

And then there’s just enjoying it because I get to feel and smell the dirt.  Connect with nature.  Spend time outside.

You can do this too.  Let the love of the work keep you going, and not rely on the results you’re hoping for.  And remembering why you do what you do doesn’t hurt either.  It’s what keeps us sharpening our skills, finding new ways to work, communicate, or lead.

Yeah, maybe it’s time to fall in love with your equivalent of cleaning out the garden.  With whatever your work is. No matter how nasty it seems at times.  And even when the deer decide to make it their personal salad bowl.  Even then.

What might change for you if you fell in love with your work?  Share in the comments.

Joy comes when you fall in love with the work, instead of the results.
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The post Reclaiming the Garden Part 3 – The Salad Bowl first appeared on Kathleen Ann Thompson.