I walk into the kitchen and see the kale I was going to turn into chips starting to turn brown. I see the used food processor that I was going to give away sitting on the kitchen table. I go into the spare bathroom and see the decorative cloth I've had “soaking” for 2 weeks.
I haven't washed it yet.
I look at my desk and see the doctor bills that I've been going to send to the insurance company. Thank-you notes from my birthday that I haven't sent. The emails I haven't dealt with. The pants I promised to hem for a friend. And the basil I haven't planted.
Loose ends.
They seem to be everywhere. Some are little, only needing one small step to finish. Other requiring a lot to get done. And it feels like I could spend all day every day and I'd still never finish tying up the loose ends.
So there they sit. Many in plain sight. Others on a list. And still others in my head. Chiding me as I walk by, or as they cross my mind. Again.
Sometimes my soul feels this way too. Loose ends everywhere. I haven't quite learned this lesson. I haven't quite come to terms with that situation. I haven't fully embraced the truth of God's love for me. It's almost as if you pull hard, it might unravel.
Sometimes loose ends feel like shame.
I'm not sure I have a ready solution for my loose ends, or yours either. On one hand I'm truly grateful for the life I get to lead now. The time I get to spend with people instead of tasks. The fact that I've grown as I made a commitment to develop my voice. I'm proud of decisions I've made to step outside my comfort zone.
On the other hand, there's those pesky loose ends.
They remind me that life doesn't come wrapped in a nice neat bow or a pretty package. That I'm oh so human.
Life is beautiful. Filled with love, joy, adventure, and surprise. It's also messy. Filled with loose ends. Things that almost seem to mock us. Asking, “Who do you think you are when you can't even…?!”
As I write this, I'm trying to embrace those loose ends. To work on some of them, and let others go.
Do you have any loose ends in your own life? Want to agree together to embrace the messiness of those loose ends? To work on some and let others go? Why not name them in the comments?
O the silent chiding. My home’s horizontal spaces: spaghettied with loose ends. I know EXACTLY what you mean. And yes, whispering shame is the subtext for me as well.
Currently I’m laid up with a bum toe and have a guest coming for a week. We both have people we’ve been meaning to write to, so we’re going to make a quiet occasion of it: Pour some wine, light candles, prepare a snack, and write cards at my newly clean kitchen table. We might even make the cards.
I can picture it, Laurie. And it feels like a sacred space you’re creating with your guest. I hope you heal quickly.