Our small group was talking about growing through grief and loss.  We spoke of Job, and how his life was changed in an instant.  As we heard his story, my mind went back to my illness in 2011.  Remembering the pain and shame of not sleeping.  The confluence of other circumstances that brought me down…in a big way.  To the point where I could barely work or take care of myself.

I remembered just how much it took to bring me back to life.

As we talked, and as I write this now, I see that it wasn’t really “back”.  I never got my old life back.  You can’t go through something that profound and not be changed.

There is no such thing as back.  There is only forward.  It’s true for me, and it’s true for you.

What changed for me?  My diet.  My schedule.  My morning and evening routines.  I also get tired more easily.  I now give myself permission to not conquer everything at once.

And it goes much deeper.  I saw once again how fragile life is.  And at the same time, how perfectly tuned our bodies are created to be.  How when we participate in the process and pay attention to our bodies as something more than simply a vessel to carry our brains around in, they have an amazing capacity to heal and balance themselves.  And when we push them as if they are a machine that needs no maintenance, things can go very wrong indeed.

I learned to treasure small moments, as I don’t know how many I have.  That waiting for big things to happen isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  That life truly is measured by the small moments.  That it’s really about the process, and not so much about the goal.

The way I approach health, my life, and even how I practice my faith has changed.  And even though I’ve got some scars to show that I have been broken, that brokenness is more beautiful than the life I had before.

How did that happen?  How did I change?  In some ways, because I had no choice, I suppose.  If I wanted to live, I had to do the work.  I had to make changes.  It wasn’t going to happen by itself.  So to a certain extent, the circumstances forced my hand.

Yet, I always had a choice.  I have to tell you that for a while I questioned whether it was worth it to do the work.  To face the pain and reality head on and make the changes I needed to.  I knew I’d have to face things that were hard to face.  I knew I’d have to leave my past – how I thought and acted – behind in order to really live.  I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it.  In fact, I was pretty sure I didn’t.  And I had no idea what the results would be.

Eventually I went for it.  I prayed, and told God I would partner with him in my healing.  That I was letting go of the past, and my expectations of what he would do in the future.  That even if I wasn’t healed, the journey with him would have been worth it.

I burned my past so I could have a future, not knowing what that future looked like.  And it turned out blessed.  Not perfect.  Blessed.  A cracked pot put back together with gold in the seams.  I’m stronger.  More resilient.  More empathetic.  Yet, even now I find things from my past that I’ve dragged into my future.  As I find them, I leave them where they should be – in the past.

There is no back.  There is only forward.  For me, and for you.

Think of an experience that shook your life.  Changed your world.  Changed your life.  It may have been sudden, or maybe not.  It may have been physical, relational, or financial.  You were shaken.  Broken.  Wounded.

If you denied it, minimized it, rationalized, medicated, distracted, or some other means to not deal with it, you may be carrying your past into your future.  If so, now’s the time to head straight for it.  To deal with it so you can have your pot put back together with gold in the seams.  To experience the new life we just celebrated with Passover and Easter.

Sometimes what feels like moving toward the future is simply hiding.  Dragging our past along with us until it gets so heavy we can’t walk any more.  How would it feel to get rid of that weight?  To be able to stand tall?  To walk, and even run, with joy?

It feels great.  I know because I did it.  I’m still doing it.  You can too.  And if you’ve already gotten rid of the weight of your past, I am rejoicing with you right now.  In the freedom you have.  The light that shines in your eyes and heart.  Yes, I am rejoicing.

There is no back.  There is only forward.  For me, and for you.  Let’s live forward with the joy and freedom that comes from leaving the past behind.  If you’d like to encourage someone with your story or resilience and growth through loss, please do us the favor of leaving a comment.