You know how I told you in my last post how I dislocated my ribs with the lopping shears – and they’ve popped back out again twice? The pain has been sharp and strong. And sometimes more dull. It really is getting better. But something’s slowing the healing process.
I keep tightening down.
It shows up as pain in my neck. Shoulders. Clenched teeth. Or sternum. Places you wouldn’t think are related to my ribs. But they are. Everything’s connected. And I’ve been tightening anything and everything that’s in the vicinity of the injury.
It hasn’t been on purpose. I wouldn’t even know I was doing it except that I’m paying close attention. I have to or I’d just go on my not-so-merry way wondering why my neck hurts. And why my ribs aren’t getting better.
So I’ve been practicing the art of paying attention. Being fully present with whatever sensations are there. Asking myself to let the tension go. Telling myself I don’t have to hold onto the pain. I can breathe into it. Breathe life and healing into my entire body, and particularly that area.
It’s hard because that place has been tight anyway. In fact, the injury was probably worse because I was already so tight there. But no matter how tight it is, it doesn’t have to stay that way. I can intentionally let it go, and let my body’s healing process do its thing. I can inhibit my habit by practicing a new one – one that lets energy freely flow. No matter how difficult it is. I believe healing will come, even if it takes longer.
In the meantime, there are places near my ribs that hurt. Sometimes even more than the ribs themselves. It’s almost as if they have forgotten what they were protecting in the first place, and are simply used to tightening down. And it isn’t making me happier or healthier.
One day as I was praying through this and struggling with why I continue to tighten even though it isn’t helpful, I had an “aha” moment.
How often do we get emotionally hurt and then tighten down? Not only where we hurt but also all around the area? It may deaden the pain somewhat, at least at first. But then it builds up under the surface and eventually erupts somewhere else. Just like my neck is doing right now as I write this post.
What if we practiced opening ourselves up to the hurt? Not so we can get hurt again. But so the healing energy can flow through our hearts?
What does that look like? The emotional and spiritual equivalent of breathing into the pain? It looks like forgiveness and grace. To those who have hurt us. It frees us from the hold we’ve allowed the other person to have on us. The power we gave them by holding on to pain and anger.
It doesn’t mean they’re right. It doesn’t mean we have to be friends with them again, unless we choose to. It just means we refuse to hold tight to the hurt. We choose to let them go. We choose to feel the pain and then breathe the fresh air of grace into it. That’s when healing can happen. When we actively decide to let go.
It’s not easy. Believe me, I know. Every time I stop thinking about how I’m sitting, I slump. Tighten. Then my neck and ribs start throbbing. I release the tension, the pain subsides, and still I find myself slumped again like 5 minutes later. I know how hard it is to let go when everything inside pushes you to hold on. Even when you know it isn’t helping anything. And in fact, is getting in the way of your healing.
It’s not easy, but it’s possible. And important. That’s why I keep trying with my upper back. Because I want to feel free. That’s why I keep trying to forgive too. Because it’s possible and important. And because I’ve been forgiven more times than I can count.
Pay attention to your heart. It may be sending you pain signals just like my ribs and neck are. If so, why not choose to forgive today? You may have to practice it over and over, like I do with how I sit. You may beat yourself up for not having gotten it right by now. But that isn’t what really matters. What really matters is that you keep trying. Keep practicing. And when you do, you’ll breathe healing into your heart.
Every time I breathe and feel my ribs rise and fall, I breathe healing energy through my body. Every time you feel your heart beat, you can do the same thing. You can choose to forgive.
What healing could be possible if you really forgave someone today? Feel free to share in the comments.
