Last week was a struggle for me.  With sleep.  With feeling like I didn’t matter.  That my life didn’t matter.  And every day I’d get up and pray.  Ask God to help me see and feel his love in a deeper way.  Then I’d ask myself, “What if today was the last day of my life?  Would I want to spend it like this?  Would I want to waste it feeling this way?”

I realized the answer was no.  So now what?

More prayer. Gratitude. Action. Movement. Walk. Dance. Sing.  Oh yeah….sing. Singing moves body and soul.  And, if you listened to Episode 107 of my podcast, you heard that it’s my word for 2019.

And you know what?  It helped.  A lot.  At least with how I felt.  (I wish I could say it helped me sleep; that that’s a story for another day.)

In the middle of all this, my friend Ruth and I met to rehearse for an upcoming women’s event.  We had picked 2, and weren’t sure about the third.  And at this rehearsal we were committed to finalizing the list.

The one in question was the song “Hero”, originally sung by Mariah Carey, and co-written by her.  As soon as I started singing it, the words hit me…hard.  It was speaking directly to my struggle.  Telling me “You don’t have to be afraid of what you are.”

Have you ever had a day or days like that?  Where you struggle with feeling inadequate? Unlovable? And then someone comes along to remind you that it’s not true?  That’s what singing this song with Ruth did for me.  It wasn’t just the song itself.  It was feeling supported by Ruth, as she played. And even sang when I got choked up.  I knew we were in it together.

And the song was telling me something about myself that I wasn’t feeling.  It was reminding me that I’m a hero because I show up.  Because I don’t hide where it’s safe.  Because I love when it’s risky.

You do heroic things too.  Trust when it’s scary.  Live with integrity.  Love when it hurts.  Yes, you’re a hero.  Whether you feel like it or not.  Even if you just lost it with your child or spouse.   Or didn’t speak up when you saw something wrong in front of you.  Or hid your true self.

We all have those moments. When we’re less than perfect.  Even downright un-heroic.  When we wish we could escape from ourselves, even for a few minutes.  When we feel less-than.

I’ve learned everyone feels this way. And the closer we get to our true purpose the stronger the feeling.  The difference is that some people show up anyway.  They love fiercely and bravely, even as others play it safe and hold back to protect their hearts.  They lead with integrity, even when it seems that the scum-bags always win.  Heroes put their imperfect work out into the world.  Not all the time.  But often enough that those around them can see and take notice.

So today, as Ruth and I were rehearsing one last time, we recorded two videos.  One of the song.  To remind you that you are indeed a hero.  That you don’t have to be afraid of what you are.  I wanted you to know today that this is how I think of you.  As a hero.  For what you’ve survived.  For how you show up in the world every day.  For being the best you that you can be.  Here's the video.

The other video is the stuff you don’t normally see.  That it’s not easy.  That the circumstances are never perfect.  My voice isn’t perfect.  Ruth’s playing isn’t perfect.  The setting and lighting aren’t perfect.  And we do it anyway.  Because the message matters more than our performance.  Because the act of showing up matters even more.  Here's the Behind the Scenes video.

So whatever else you do or think today, please remember that you’re a hero.  The hero of your life’s story.  And it’s an epic.

How might you show up in the world if you wholeheartedly believe you’re a hero?  What action could you take today to live that more fully?  Please share a comment.

P.S., If you’d like to read a book to help you use an alter-ego to live a more heroic life, The Alter Ego Effect just came out.