I was going to write about the power of the pause. Leaving space between stimulus and response. Then something happened, and I just didn’t have the heart to write about that. Because I failed to live that today.
In a big way.
My mom drove to my house so I could bring her to a doctor. As we backed out of the garage, we were talking about something. And I backed out of the garage, started to turn around, and hit her car.
Because I was on auto-pilot. Not present with what I was doing. Didn’t pause to take stock of where I was or what I was doing.
So now I feel like I’m the last one to write about the power of the pause.
Then we get to the office, and I’m on my computer, trying to use my time well. I log onto an online forum I belong to, and see I’ve been “yelled at” online by the moderator. Who’s someone I’ve followed for a long time and deeply respect.
So now I pretty much want to crawl in a hole and not come out. And I’m supposed to write a blog post?
I want to tell you right here and now that no matter who you may read or listen to has days like this. Has feelings like this. Wonder why on earth anyone would want to pay attention to them. After all, they go through the same challenges you do. And as you can see I do. No one’s immune.
It doesn’t matter how successful you are. How much money you have. You still feel like a regular person. Like someone who isn’t perfect. Gets it wrong. Isn’t sure what to do next. We all feel that way.
What am I going to do? Right now I’m going to sit and wait for my mother, and spend time with her when she gets out. Later, I’ll deal with both our cars. And I’m going to sit with my feelings about being yelled at online. Let myself feel them and not react. Maybe take a pause, or a good break, before going online again. I don’t want to pass the shame I feel on to anyone else through anger or any other means.
What do you do when you feel this way? When things go wrong and you wonder why anyone should listen to you? Care about you? I’d be honored if you’d leave a comment.
