How big is your emotional vocabulary? The average is 3 words: mad, sad, and glad. One hallmark of Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify and handle a wide range of human emotions in yourself and others.  On this episode we talk about that, and specifically relating to how we’re feeling right now in the midst of a pandemic.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Is Rest a 4-letter Word?
Random Riffs – Do I Sound Like I Could Sing Stairway to Heaven?
Feature Segment – Emotional Intelligence: Let’s Call it What it Is

Today’s Quote

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.  –C.S. Lewis

Rhythm of Life – Does Rest Have to be a 4-Letter Word?

Rest.  You know that thing we do when we’re tired?  Whether it’s mentally, emotionally, physically?  Why is rest a 4-letter word?  It feels like it my house.  And yet rest is as important as air and water.  Even though less urgent.

Do we make time for rest?  Do we make time for the other important non-urgent things in our life?  Often not.  We often go from fire to fire, never taking the time we need for what we say is so important.

It’s time to change that.  It’s time to make time for what’s important.

Random Riffs – Do I Sound Like I Could Sing Stairway to Heaven?

I’m on summer break in college, singing in a club.  I just finished Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi” on my acoustic guitar,   and a guy comes up to me and asks if I can play “Stairway to Heaven”.

What about singing Joni Mitchell made him think I could possibly sing Stairway to Heaven?  Nothing.  Because he didn’t hear what I actually sounded like.  He heard what he wanted to hear.

We often hear what we think we hear; not what’s actually said.  We see what we think we see; not what’s actually there.

Feature Segment:  Emotional Intelligence – Let’s Call it What it Is

According to two researchers into human emotions and behavior, Brene Brown and Marc Brackett, many of us have a three-word emotion vocabulary:  mad, sad, and glad.  When there are actually something like 39 different emotions you or I could be feeling at any one time.

A hallmark of Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify and name emotions with precision.  Then express and regulate them in ourselves and others.

Resources to help with identifying emotions:

Brene Brown’s Podcast – Unlocking Us with Marc Brackett

Marc Brackett’s book – “Permission to Feel”.

One with emotional intelligence understands this and trains just as you’d train for anything else.  With this training, you develop your Emotional Intelligence.  Become a more successful and empathetic leader.  Make better decisions.  Unleash your creativity.

It’s especially important right now.  We’re experiencing collective grief.  For some, it’s mild.  For others, it’s profound.  And yet we often don’t have a language for grief any more than we have a language for other emotions.  On this episode we talk about a language for grief.  So you can

1. Identify and label it as what it is.
2. Express it and incorporate it into your life without it taking over.
3. Live and lead through this pandemic with hope and even joy.

In Episode 135, we talked about how dangerous comparative suffering is.  Dr. Marc tells us to give ourselves permission to feel.  Whatever it is.

Acknowledging emotion is an act of strength, not weakness.  Then you get to decide what comes next.

What language can we use for grief?  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler wrote a book called “On Grief and Grieving”.  In it they defined 5 stages of grief.  These are not sequential, and yet calling them stages feels like that’s what they are.  So I’m calling them the 5 manifestations of grief.  You could feel more than one at a time, and could alternate between them on any given day or week.

Denial – this can’t be my life.
Anger – this shouldn’t be my life.  I didn’t ask for this.
Depression – I can’t take this.
Bargaining – I could or should have prevented this
Acceptance – I can live with this.

Remember:  this is not a roadmap.  It’s a language to describe how you feel.  So if you’re feeling it now, call it what it is.  Recognize which emotion you’re feeling.  Understand it.  Label it.  That way you can express it and begin to regulate it.

Grief can be your companion, instead of your controller.

Understanding grief is an important piece of the Emotional Intelligence puzzle.  Especially now.  You, someone in your family, or someone on your team may be acting out of grief and not see it.

Don’t tighten against the pain.  Feel it and breathe into it.  Because emotions are a beautiful thing.  They are what allow us to experience beauty.  Love.  Kindness.  Color.  If you try and cut off the bad, you’ll also cut off the good.  Instead, why not use them strategically?

No matter what you’re feeling right now, it is certain to change.  So, know what you’re feeling.  Learn to channel it.  And you’ll develop greater Emotional Intelligence.   What are you feeling right now?  Leave a comment.

Emotional Intelligence Series

132 – The New Success Superpower

134 – Communicating in Crisis

135 –Living in Uncertainty