We’ve talked in our Built With Love series about your product, marketing, culture, and leadership.  Today we’re talking about something that’s foundational to all – relationships.  Imagine how beautiful the world would be if all our relationships were built with love.  You can start to build that world right where you are.

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On This Episode

Rhythm of Life – Going Out of my Head
Random Riffs – In or Out
Feature Segment – Built With Love – Your Relationships

Today’s Quote

If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace.  – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Rhythm of Life – Going Out of my Head

I have a garden in my back yard that I haven’t worked on for probably 3 years.  And it’s been a “problem child” ever since I built it.  Because several different kinds of nasty weeds were growing there as part of the woods before we cleared it out.

The worst is the bittersweet.  A vine that twists itself around bushes, trees, and even smaller plants.  The roots are orange and spread everywhere.  They’re so hard to dig out.  But I’m trying.  Trying to reclaim this garden.

Working with this vine has helped me see “vines” that have wrapped themselves around my mind and heart.  Listen to the episode to hear more about it.

Random Riffs – In or Out?

Have you ever heard your parents say, “Quit coming in and out the door.  It’s either in or out.”

I felt like saying that to some flies the other day.  It seemed as though they were so anxious to get in, and then immediately tried to get out.

We can do that too.  Say we really want something, and then go in – out – in – out.  Instead of fully committing and taking action.

Dan Gilbert’s happiness talk shows that those who decide and stick with it are happier than those who believe they can change their minds.  Even if they don’t actually change their decision.    If you want to straight to the section I’m talking about, it starts at about 9:20.

Time to choose.  In or out?

Feature Segment: Built With Love – Your Relationships

How do people committed to one another, whether through marriage, family, friendship or partnership end up with a strained relationship?  How can so many relationships be dysfunctional and even harmful?

Relationships, even those closest, aren’t always built with love.  Even if they’re intended to be.  And yet, every relationship that matters should be built with love.  Not necessarily erotic or sensual love.  But brotherly love or sacrificial love.

Johann Hari recently wrote a book called “Lost Connections,” He cites research by a Harvard professor named Robert Putnam that is chilling.

1. People have dropped out of community and turned inward since the 1930s.
2. Active involvement in community organizations fell by 45% between 1985 and 1994 alone
3. Several decades ago, when asked how many close confidants they had, people would say 3 on average. By 2004, the most common answer was 0.

Loneliness has become the predominant feeling in the United States.  At a high cost to us personally, and to the society at large.

Because strong relationships are the glue that hold us together.

What does a relationship built with love look like?

1. People in the relationship grow and flourish
2. Respect
3. Empathy
4. Give and take
5. Differences, not divisions

What makes this not happen?

1. Commitment to our self is greater than to the relationship
2. Extreme competitiveness.
3. Lack of emotional intelligence.
4. Fear – of losing face, of being attacked
5. Shame

There are times when we have to give everything and get nothing back.  And that’s not easy.

How do you build relationship with love?

1. Assume good intent.
2. Active listening.
3. Treat the relationship as more important than yourself. Each party is responsible both to themselves and to the relationship.
4. Speak truth with love.

A question to evaluate whether or not your relationship is built with love: are we better because of relationship?  Is the relationship expanding us – or not?  Is it expanding others around us – or not?

The stakes are high.  Disconnection and loneliness are at an all-time high.  There are cracks in society.  You can help repair them by starting with your own relationships.  Then spread to the greater community and the world.  It all starts with you.

What action do you plan to take to build one of your relationships with love?  Leave a comment.

Built With Love Series

115  – Built With Love
116 – What is Love?
117 – Your Team
118 – Your Culture
119 – Your Product
120 – Your Marketing