What’s your point of highest contribution? That thing that only you can do. Where you can have the most impact on the world? Do you have any idea?
I don’t.
And not knowing has left me spinning
Last week I was listening to an interview with Greg McKeown, the author of Essentialism. He was talking about deciding what’s essential. He said that most of us use criteria that simply ask if something is a good thing. All by itself. Without context. The context that would ask, “How good is this compared to other opportunities? My strengths? My true calling?”
Greg said we cheat ourselves of the opportunity to live at the point of our highest contribution when we do this. Or as Gay Hendricks puts it, we often live in our zone of competence instead of our zone of genius.
As I listened, I knew Greg was right. The problem is, I haven’t been able to figure out what my point of highest contribution is. Now that I’ve left my job, I’m left scratching my head.
I read plenty about it.
- Articles that told me to ask other people. (I did that and didn’t get anything profound. Most of the answers sounded like something you’d appreciate about any friend.)
- Articles that asked me to notice what others regularly ask me about. (Nothing that I can think of.)
- Or what I’d do if money were no object. (I don’t know. I spent so much time doing the responsible thing that I’ve lost touch with myself.)
No help there.
I don’t mean to be flip or negative about it. This is after lots of prayer, research, analysis, polling, and soul searching. I got nothing I can really point to and say, “This is it.”
One thing I can tell you it isn’t? Battling with regret. Being hard on myself. Judging and accusing myself. I know because I did all that last week. And it was not even close to my highest calling.
As I said in my previous blog post, I was feeling the weight of just how much stuff fell by the wayside in these last years of work. Deferred maintenance on my house and yard. Stuff piling up because I didn’t have time to file or get rid of it. Wasted food because it rotted before I did something with it. Losing the shimmer and control of my voice. The list goes on.
I was stuck in regret and judgement. And it was paralyzing.
Despite how I felt, I did go outside almost every day. I dug in the dirt, started the long road to rehabilitating my yard. I connected with nature, myself, and God. And saw progress. The beauty starting to be reclaimed. One wheelbarrowful at a time.
The other thing that helped was lunch with my friends Deb and Millie. I shared how I was feeling. Then we talked about the alternatives. Let’s say I had left my job sooner than I did. I might have experienced financial stress. In the end, which would have been worse? The physical and emotional toll it took to stay, or the financial and emotional toll leaving would have taken? Who knows? I did what I did, and can’t know exactly how I would have felt if I chose differently.
That conversation helped me realize that everything is a trade-off. We rarely get everything we want exactly when we want it. I had a choice to make, and I chose what seemed to be the best option for me. Who am I to second-guess that now, just because I’m recognizing the extent of the damage? It’s time to live in that reality. Believe in my soul that I did the best I could. I made the best decisions I could. And now I keep moving forward. Preferably without the baggage of regret and judgment accompanying me.
Carrying that baggage is definitely not the point of highest contribution. In fact, it does the opposite. It just keeps me from doing anything. I lose hope. Energy. Even interest.
If you’re feeling confused as I am, If you’ve been frustrated because you don’t know what your point of highest contribution is, you can at least eliminate the stuff that clearly isn’t. Like judgement, criticism, impatience. Jealousy, comparison, or perfectionism. The list could go on forever. If you eliminate these things from your life, you’ll be closer to finding your point of highest contribution. There will be more space to see and feel who you really are.
Brene Brown’s therapist told her to imagine that everyone, no matter how crazy their behavior may appear, is doing the best they can at the time. It may not look like that to us, but they don’t know what we know. What they see and know is different.
How about we apply that to ourselves too? Can we agree to stop judging ourselves harshly, dwelling in the house that regret built, or rolling our eyes at ourselves? Instead, let’s affirm who we are – miracles brought to life by our infinitely creative creator. Anything less will leave us small and less likely to contribute anything at all, let alone all we are capable of.
Do you struggle with knowing your calling? If so, what would you like to eliminate so you have a better shot of uncovering it? Leave a comment.
Kathleen, Last week I had my six month performance evaluation at the part-time job I took to pay for our health insurance. It seemed like my supervisor was going through the motions and there wasn’t much of a personal connection or affirmations. The jolt to my self-perception was their classification term for my position, “casual”. It doesn’t feel casual trying to do a professional job trying to provide excellent care and serving my patience. It doesn’t feel casual being compliant with excessive government regulations. Your post helped me take a moment to reflect on my vocation to selflessly serve and make an impact in people’s lives. I’m renewing my search for the best environment to allow that to happen.
Boy, that’s hard, Paul. And even in your few words here, I see the contrast between what you are trying to do and the “corporate” attitude. You are personal and professional. Marrying care and compassion with delivering high-quality technical care. They are trying to stay compliant and keep the wheels on the bus. Focused on the technical, trying to stay compliant with laws and regulations, and keep the schedule going. Oh, and probably maximize profits by scheduling as tightly as possible. It takes effort and intention to be personal too. To be human. Sometimes it’s too much, like it appears to be for your supervisor. And yet that’s what everyone wants, isn’t it? To be treated as if they matter, as if they’re a human being. Not a number. The best organizations, those which operate at THEIR point of highest contribution, do that. Marry the technical with the human. And it shows to their employees and customers/clients.
You are wise to perceive the difference. And using that clarity to decide how to move forward. Stay – and recognize the difference will always exist? Look for another part-time opportunity? Only you and God knows what’s right. But at least you know what you don’t want to do. Be like that.
Praying for you, my friend.
Yes, let’s padlock the door on the house of regret and toss the key!
Oh yes!!! I love the poetic way you said that, Laurie. Maybe throw that key as far as the east is to the west.
I think the self-judgement is the hardest thing, especially when we compare ourselves to those who are much more successful especially in terms of more followers or revenue or impact. I have to keep reminding myself that I am on my own particular journey and that while it is good to be inspired by what others have done or are doing not to get into the comparison game. Boy is that hard at times!!I also like the Dan Sullivan quote I heard which is ‘Don’t compare your back stage to someone else’s front stage.’ I need to eliminate comparison to others ahead of me.
Yes and yes, Sunil. Though I often find that comparison to my former self is even more damaging to me. Replacing comparison with gratitude and appreciation is so important. And yet difficult to do when we’re caught in that trap.
I need to add replace comparison with gratitude and appreciation!